So I made the decision. Yup, I did it. Some people might think how can choosing a kindergarten program be such a big decision? Well until you are in my shoes, I can’t really answer that. I know that I thought long and hard, weighing all the options, asking all the questions and spent many nights pondering. Did I mention the fact that I have been given two doctors, a preschool teacher, a speech therapist and a psychologist’s opinion? Well I’ll start be telling you a little what they said…
In my previous posts I have gone in more detail, but basically Rocco’s doctors suggest regular Kindergarten with keeping on the medication and being pulled out for speech and language services.
His teacher for the past 3 years said, “I reviewed all test scores with the special day kindergarten teacher and we both think that Rocco looks good on paper to start regular kindergarten, but there is something holding us back.” What the test doesn’t show is that she had to redirect and focus Rocco before every question. In a class of 32, the kindergarten teacher would not be able to do this. At least I’m not the only one struggling with the decision.
His speech therapist on the whole thinks Rocco still needs speech services and I agree. You see Rocco doesn’t have a big problem repeating words you ask him to or speaking in sentences on his own, but if you ask him to repeat a 7+ word sentence, he is incapable. Plus he still has some problems with articulation as well.
So what did I decide?
Rocco will start regular kindergarten in August and he will be pulled out of class for speech and language therapy and will also have a “resource” teacher to monitor him in the class one a week. I plan to have a meeting with both the resource teacher and the regular teacher to discuss some 504 things like trying to sit Rocco in front of the class, etc. A resource teacher is someone that will observe Rocco in class and have dialog with the teacher if he seems to be struggling. If he is, she can spend a little one-on-one time with him to help.
I also made sure that Rocco still has an IEP. I have been told that once you exit the program, you would have to go through the long evaluation process all over again to see if he’d qualify for special services. I’d like to avoid that. I also have called for IEP meeting in November. This will give Rocco some time to adjust to a new school and new rules, allow me to have his annual well check visit with his doctor and review medication issues if necessary, and have a parent-teacher conference on his progress. Then if anything needs to change, or if Rocco needs to try Special Day Kindergarten instead then it can all be easily changed at the November IEP meeting. I think I have covered my bases.
Why I made this decision:
I agree with both teachers and doctors that Rocco would be in the top of a special day class and I don’t think he would be challenged enough.
I thought it best to try the hard route first so I wouldn’t wonder if he could handle it or not.
Rocco seems to be maturing a lot lately and I think he would enjoy being around kids at or above his level more.
I’ll be staying active in his progress and even volunteering in his class.
So I can honestly say that I feel good about my decision. Still don’t 100% know it is the right one, but only time can tell. One negative is that because I choose regular kindergarten, he no longer qualifies for summer school. Oh well, I’m sure I’ll find things to keep him busy and on track.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Fanatical?
So did I ever tell you I'm a Virgo. Well we like to over analysis EVERYTHING. So to the two people that may read this blog, I offer this: I'm possessed with over thinking ADHD. Not because I want to be, but for me, it's the only way to give myself any control over something so gray. I definitely did not wake up one morning and go, “I think I’ll brush up on my obsessing skills for kicks”. In the real world, I’m actually quite laid back. I hate sounding so negative. I really hope that when reading back my posts in the future my spirit is rising.
Until then, the valid rollercoaster continues…
Potty training is going the right direction. He got right back up on that horse and earning stars every day. The last three days Rocco actually ate some lunch and even a snack here and there. He’s eating lesser amounts at breakfast and dinner, but I’d prefer small meals throughout the day then nothing in the middle.
After several talks about the carpooling and eating snack at school dilemma, Rocco finally understands that we don’t want to talk about it anymore. That realization is great. The only problem with it, is now the last two nights he has just said he doesn’t want to go to school. “But, Rocco, you love school.” Then after a couple minutes of talking it gets back to the carpooling issue. Grrr So I think I have come up with a solution. I want to get Rocco his own mp3 player. Just a cheap one like a ishuffle or something. That way he could just listen to his music with ear phones while carpooling with the screaming baby. And it’s small to keep in his backpack.
Rocco is also elaborating on the future still. It’s cute. He wants to be a Police Officer and a Daddy when he grows up. He is just maturing with his communication too. Today he said, “Mom, the boring part of the day is when the babies nap.” Just the way he said it was different, hard to explain.
I signed a revised IEP today to include summer school for Rocco. I think this will help the transition.
As we continue to adjust, I’m going to try not to sweat the small things so much.
Until then, the valid rollercoaster continues…
Potty training is going the right direction. He got right back up on that horse and earning stars every day. The last three days Rocco actually ate some lunch and even a snack here and there. He’s eating lesser amounts at breakfast and dinner, but I’d prefer small meals throughout the day then nothing in the middle.
After several talks about the carpooling and eating snack at school dilemma, Rocco finally understands that we don’t want to talk about it anymore. That realization is great. The only problem with it, is now the last two nights he has just said he doesn’t want to go to school. “But, Rocco, you love school.” Then after a couple minutes of talking it gets back to the carpooling issue. Grrr So I think I have come up with a solution. I want to get Rocco his own mp3 player. Just a cheap one like a ishuffle or something. That way he could just listen to his music with ear phones while carpooling with the screaming baby. And it’s small to keep in his backpack.
Rocco is also elaborating on the future still. It’s cute. He wants to be a Police Officer and a Daddy when he grows up. He is just maturing with his communication too. Today he said, “Mom, the boring part of the day is when the babies nap.” Just the way he said it was different, hard to explain.
I signed a revised IEP today to include summer school for Rocco. I think this will help the transition.
As we continue to adjust, I’m going to try not to sweat the small things so much.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Crap & Doctors
So today was another check up for Rocco's ADHD meds. My previous posts show my anexity for meds overall and still feeling unsure about them. Today didn't help much.
I told the doctor how I was feeling, the good and bad changes in Rocco and she thinks that it is just hard for the Teachers to let-go of the old "happy-go-lucky" kid. That the positive out ways the negative. She wasn't concerned about him losing 6 pounds in two months, but did suggest that I stop meds in the summertime to let him bulk up. That the month off of the meds will remind me of the behaviors that really have improved on meds. I should then start them again one week prior to starting school.
She also agrees that Rocco should start regular Kindergarten on meds. If I choose to not go the meds route then Special Day Class Kindergarten might fit better. Decisions, decisions.
She then proceeds to tell me that she doesn't need to see him again until his well check in October. Since I can't come to a conclusion on the meds myself, then maybe more time is what we all need.
I was feeling resolved for now until Rocco pooped in his pants twice today. He actually hasn't pooped in the potty for a couple of days now. I know kids make mistakes so I'm not trying to make a big deal about it. If we continue to go backwards though I may shoot my foot off.
It was nice to see my brats playing with their cousins today and hope it happens more often.
I told the doctor how I was feeling, the good and bad changes in Rocco and she thinks that it is just hard for the Teachers to let-go of the old "happy-go-lucky" kid. That the positive out ways the negative. She wasn't concerned about him losing 6 pounds in two months, but did suggest that I stop meds in the summertime to let him bulk up. That the month off of the meds will remind me of the behaviors that really have improved on meds. I should then start them again one week prior to starting school.
She also agrees that Rocco should start regular Kindergarten on meds. If I choose to not go the meds route then Special Day Class Kindergarten might fit better. Decisions, decisions.
She then proceeds to tell me that she doesn't need to see him again until his well check in October. Since I can't come to a conclusion on the meds myself, then maybe more time is what we all need.
I was feeling resolved for now until Rocco pooped in his pants twice today. He actually hasn't pooped in the potty for a couple of days now. I know kids make mistakes so I'm not trying to make a big deal about it. If we continue to go backwards though I may shoot my foot off.
It was nice to see my brats playing with their cousins today and hope it happens more often.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Perseverate
I'm having a hard morning. Felt I needed to say that out loud. Might explain this post and why it feels so negative.
I have Rocco's med check up appointment this Friday and I feel out of control. Really unsure of everything. So the first thing I do is right a note to his teacher about the appointment and ask if she could update me on his progress. I know she has been testing him the last couple of weeks, but I don't get those results until beginning of May. I just needed some feedback for my appointment. She said she would email me the paragraph that she put in his IEP document...
"Rocco is well liked by his peers and gets along well with others. He has preferred friends and can be a leader in his group of friends. He is very compliant in the class and obeys the safety rules with occasional reminders from the staff. Rocco has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and is on medication although this is still in the trial stages. When Rocco wasn’t on medication he was easily distracted by anything around him and fooled around a lot. Now that he is on medication he isn’t as easily distracted by other things but tends to daydream more. When we sit him in the front row during large group activities, he is more focused and responds more but can still withdraw into his daydream. Since on the medication, Rocco seems to perseverate on various topics even if it doesn’t pertain to what the group is talking about before he can move on. Sometimes he perseverates on something that has happened in the past. He gets more flustered with himself when he cannot complete a task."
per·sev·er·ate/pərˈsevəˌrāt/
Verb: Repeat or prolong an action, thought, or utterance after the stimulus that prompted it has ceased.
Describing the behavior, generally displayed by those with various developmental disabilities, of extraordinary, exclusive and lasting obsession to a detail or occurrence others consider minor; to repeat or continue a pattern
Doesn't this define my obsession with the little things Rocco does that makes me worry so. This morning we had two battles. One, snack and two, driving home with Sammy.
Snack
My son is not hungry at 11am for snack. I feed him a pretty big breakfast with the meds and he is not hungry until dinner time. The classroom rules are this. Snack time is 15 minutes long. You need to pull out your snack and try to eat it. If you finish early, you can clean up and quietly read a book until snack time is over. This has become an issue. I tell Rocco to pick out his snack this morning so maybe he'll eat it at school. He says that he is just not hungry. I say let's just pick something and you can try it at snack time. He picked cookies. Chosing not to fight that battle, I let him take cookies. Rocco must have went back and forth 6 times this morning. "Mom, I just don't want to eat snack." I respond with a simple, "I understand buddy". Then 2 minutes later he says, "Ok I'll try to eat one cookie." I say, "That sounds like a great idea." Throughout the morning I go on to explain that it's important to follow the teacher's rules and at least try to eat at snack time. It's ok if you can't, but you must follow the no playing and only reading rule for 15 minutes. I see the internal struggle within Rocco and I wish I could take that way for him. Why does a 5 year old have to be so worried about such a minor thing. I did mention to his teacher this morning that we are having a hard time and I asked her that Rocco never be punished for not eating snack or made to feel bad. I did say that I think it is important that he obeys the class rules and so on. She ensured me that he would never be punished for not eating and only commented to Rocco that maybe he should be bringing something healthier than just cookies. (Yeah mom of the year had to then say, that is all he has today, COOKIES!)
Carpooling with Sammy
So Wednesday through Friday I pick up Sammy and bring him to school and Sammy's mom picks up Rocco and brings him home the same days. It is actually really nice not to pack up Frankie and get him. The downside is that Rocco does not like driving in Sammy's car because he has a 3 month old sister that screams the whole time. SCREAMS. This morning Rocco tells me he doesn't want to drive home with Sammy on the way to Sammy's house and again when we got to the school. My response was, "I'm sorry you don't want to. I know the baby cries a lot, but sometimes we just have to do things we don't like." He starts to get upset and cry. "Rocco, I understand, but I can't pick you up today, so you just have to go with Sammy." CRY. "Rocco, control your emotions, you need to go to school now. I'll think about picking you up, but not today." So Internet, what do I do? My first thought is to just forget the convenience of carpooling and start picking him up again. I think I'm just being selfish. Then the next second I think, geez I can't give Rocco whatever he wants all the time. I don't want one of those kids that bosses their parents around. Is that truly how I feel or the world's pressure to be the perfect mom. I wouldn't want to spend 10 minutes in the car with a screaming kid, so I don't blame him, but still don't know if it warrants cancelling carpool.
Well, with the meds I think there has been a change with Rocco's communication. That is good. Unfortunately, he does seem more negative overall. He doesn't like playing with the annoying neighbor kid for long periods of time. He doesn't want to drive with Sammy. He doesn't want to play at the toddler playdate I go to for the girls. Sleeping at grandparents is boring. Can you consider these negative feelings a bad thing though? He's just stating his preferences. Before meds, he was more happy go lucky, but maybe that is not who Rocco was. Maybe he just didn't know how to communicate what he didn't like. Rocco still shows joy. He still wants to go to Karate and Baseball and play video games. He likes to dance, cuddle with Frankie and watch movies. He talks about wanting to play with his cousins Jason and Noah (both older) and seems to understand things better over all.
Where does this leave me? The teacher didn't tell me if Rocco improved academically. I do notice some improvement myself, but not a huge amount. I definitely get the sense that there are still quite a few annoyances at school. But is this the best one can expect? Do we need to try different meds? Do we need to try anti anxiety meds on top of ADHD meds? Is that too much meds to put on a 5 year old? Rocco's eyes seem bloodshot or glossed over come four pm like he hasn't slept in 2 days, but I ask him if he is tired and he says no. He sleeps from about 9pm to 7am so it isn't really an issue. I guess I'll I can do is give as much information I can to his doctor and see what she suggests. I just don't like not knowing what I suggest for Rocco. I don't think these meds are a perfect fit for us, but also scared that different meds would be worse. I guess time will tell. I committed to seeing this through.
On a side note. I went to register Rocco for Kindergarten and they asked if he was going to school now. I told them he was is the special day preschool class, but I was told to register for this school for kindergarten. She then got the special day kindergarten teacher and she said I need to register him at the district office. I told her that he might not go to special day kindergarten. We talked for a second and I did bring up Rocco's ADHD and that he was on medication. The teacher then interrupts and says, "You are being really consistent with that, right?" Of course I am, but that irked me. I guess the school pressure for meds is just beginning. I told Rocco's current teacher that I was told to go to the district office and she said they don't know what they are talking about and to just go back to that school to register. Goodtimes.
At least I forewarned you that my mood is low. I'm trying to raise it up quickly though. I'll leave you on a positive note: Rocco is so funny. He's starting to play little tricks on me and even tries to scare me. I do really love that boy!
I have Rocco's med check up appointment this Friday and I feel out of control. Really unsure of everything. So the first thing I do is right a note to his teacher about the appointment and ask if she could update me on his progress. I know she has been testing him the last couple of weeks, but I don't get those results until beginning of May. I just needed some feedback for my appointment. She said she would email me the paragraph that she put in his IEP document...
"Rocco is well liked by his peers and gets along well with others. He has preferred friends and can be a leader in his group of friends. He is very compliant in the class and obeys the safety rules with occasional reminders from the staff. Rocco has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and is on medication although this is still in the trial stages. When Rocco wasn’t on medication he was easily distracted by anything around him and fooled around a lot. Now that he is on medication he isn’t as easily distracted by other things but tends to daydream more. When we sit him in the front row during large group activities, he is more focused and responds more but can still withdraw into his daydream. Since on the medication, Rocco seems to perseverate on various topics even if it doesn’t pertain to what the group is talking about before he can move on. Sometimes he perseverates on something that has happened in the past. He gets more flustered with himself when he cannot complete a task."
per·sev·er·ate/pərˈsevəˌrāt/
Verb: Repeat or prolong an action, thought, or utterance after the stimulus that prompted it has ceased.
Describing the behavior, generally displayed by those with various developmental disabilities, of extraordinary, exclusive and lasting obsession to a detail or occurrence others consider minor; to repeat or continue a pattern
Doesn't this define my obsession with the little things Rocco does that makes me worry so. This morning we had two battles. One, snack and two, driving home with Sammy.
Snack
My son is not hungry at 11am for snack. I feed him a pretty big breakfast with the meds and he is not hungry until dinner time. The classroom rules are this. Snack time is 15 minutes long. You need to pull out your snack and try to eat it. If you finish early, you can clean up and quietly read a book until snack time is over. This has become an issue. I tell Rocco to pick out his snack this morning so maybe he'll eat it at school. He says that he is just not hungry. I say let's just pick something and you can try it at snack time. He picked cookies. Chosing not to fight that battle, I let him take cookies. Rocco must have went back and forth 6 times this morning. "Mom, I just don't want to eat snack." I respond with a simple, "I understand buddy". Then 2 minutes later he says, "Ok I'll try to eat one cookie." I say, "That sounds like a great idea." Throughout the morning I go on to explain that it's important to follow the teacher's rules and at least try to eat at snack time. It's ok if you can't, but you must follow the no playing and only reading rule for 15 minutes. I see the internal struggle within Rocco and I wish I could take that way for him. Why does a 5 year old have to be so worried about such a minor thing. I did mention to his teacher this morning that we are having a hard time and I asked her that Rocco never be punished for not eating snack or made to feel bad. I did say that I think it is important that he obeys the class rules and so on. She ensured me that he would never be punished for not eating and only commented to Rocco that maybe he should be bringing something healthier than just cookies. (Yeah mom of the year had to then say, that is all he has today, COOKIES!)
Carpooling with Sammy
So Wednesday through Friday I pick up Sammy and bring him to school and Sammy's mom picks up Rocco and brings him home the same days. It is actually really nice not to pack up Frankie and get him. The downside is that Rocco does not like driving in Sammy's car because he has a 3 month old sister that screams the whole time. SCREAMS. This morning Rocco tells me he doesn't want to drive home with Sammy on the way to Sammy's house and again when we got to the school. My response was, "I'm sorry you don't want to. I know the baby cries a lot, but sometimes we just have to do things we don't like." He starts to get upset and cry. "Rocco, I understand, but I can't pick you up today, so you just have to go with Sammy." CRY. "Rocco, control your emotions, you need to go to school now. I'll think about picking you up, but not today." So Internet, what do I do? My first thought is to just forget the convenience of carpooling and start picking him up again. I think I'm just being selfish. Then the next second I think, geez I can't give Rocco whatever he wants all the time. I don't want one of those kids that bosses their parents around. Is that truly how I feel or the world's pressure to be the perfect mom. I wouldn't want to spend 10 minutes in the car with a screaming kid, so I don't blame him, but still don't know if it warrants cancelling carpool.
Well, with the meds I think there has been a change with Rocco's communication. That is good. Unfortunately, he does seem more negative overall. He doesn't like playing with the annoying neighbor kid for long periods of time. He doesn't want to drive with Sammy. He doesn't want to play at the toddler playdate I go to for the girls. Sleeping at grandparents is boring. Can you consider these negative feelings a bad thing though? He's just stating his preferences. Before meds, he was more happy go lucky, but maybe that is not who Rocco was. Maybe he just didn't know how to communicate what he didn't like. Rocco still shows joy. He still wants to go to Karate and Baseball and play video games. He likes to dance, cuddle with Frankie and watch movies. He talks about wanting to play with his cousins Jason and Noah (both older) and seems to understand things better over all.
Where does this leave me? The teacher didn't tell me if Rocco improved academically. I do notice some improvement myself, but not a huge amount. I definitely get the sense that there are still quite a few annoyances at school. But is this the best one can expect? Do we need to try different meds? Do we need to try anti anxiety meds on top of ADHD meds? Is that too much meds to put on a 5 year old? Rocco's eyes seem bloodshot or glossed over come four pm like he hasn't slept in 2 days, but I ask him if he is tired and he says no. He sleeps from about 9pm to 7am so it isn't really an issue. I guess I'll I can do is give as much information I can to his doctor and see what she suggests. I just don't like not knowing what I suggest for Rocco. I don't think these meds are a perfect fit for us, but also scared that different meds would be worse. I guess time will tell. I committed to seeing this through.
On a side note. I went to register Rocco for Kindergarten and they asked if he was going to school now. I told them he was is the special day preschool class, but I was told to register for this school for kindergarten. She then got the special day kindergarten teacher and she said I need to register him at the district office. I told her that he might not go to special day kindergarten. We talked for a second and I did bring up Rocco's ADHD and that he was on medication. The teacher then interrupts and says, "You are being really consistent with that, right?" Of course I am, but that irked me. I guess the school pressure for meds is just beginning. I told Rocco's current teacher that I was told to go to the district office and she said they don't know what they are talking about and to just go back to that school to register. Goodtimes.
At least I forewarned you that my mood is low. I'm trying to raise it up quickly though. I'll leave you on a positive note: Rocco is so funny. He's starting to play little tricks on me and even tries to scare me. I do really love that boy!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Eat this
So the last two days Rocco is eating Lunch. Like all of it. Plus a snack. He didn't eat as much dinner, but more overall throughout the day. He also pooped in his pants both days. He was doing really well, but I'm still positive that we are in the right BM direction.
So this has me wondering if Rocco is finally getting used to the meds and dealing with them, or has he started to build up a little immunity to them only after a month? I certainly don't want to up his meds every few months!!
Not having the answers is hard.
So this has me wondering if Rocco is finally getting used to the meds and dealing with them, or has he started to build up a little immunity to them only after a month? I certainly don't want to up his meds every few months!!
Not having the answers is hard.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Delayed
I was trying to think of a way to describe the time since my last post and the best word I came up with was DELAY.
Delay my disappointment how medicine is working.
Delay my judgments of Rocco’s actions.
Delay changing his medicine so I feel like I gave these specific ones a shot.
Delay calling his doctor to talk about meds because I have nothing concrete to support change or not.
Delay what I think is the inevitable
Delay thinking about ADHD for one more stinking night!
So my confusion is still about the same. Are these meds helping to the best any medication can help? Does the good out way the bad? Here are some more comments from his teacher:
3/23/11: Rocco wasn’t answering questions appropriate to the circle time conversation. Kept talking about things not related and couldn’t get back on topic. 3/25/11: Very loud today, but very alert.
They started testing last week so I hope the teachers are starting to see some improvement. I still feel like if I were to read in-between the lines, I’d get, “Rocco seems much more annoying with these meds. He actually seems worse and less happy.”
At home there are more up and down moments:
Down: Rocco seems a little meaner or less patient. Rocco used to touch his sisters’ heads excessively, but never to harm them. It was just a compulsive behavior. Now I’ll catch him squeeze their arm when they won’t stop bugging him. They whine/cry and then he says, “You’re ok”, in a voice to calm them down; maybe because he doesn’t want to get caught in action. He still doesn’t hit, push, bite or kick, but it’s still new undesirable aggression. He also seems less interested in playing with his younger friends.
Up: He talks more about the future with his sisters. “When I get bigger, I’m going to drive my sisters to the park. A far away park.” I find him and Frankie laying/lounging with each other more too.
Down: I think he is down about 5 pounds in 2 months. After breakfast he eats nothing. Not one cracker, nothing until about 6pm for dinner.
Up: There is less of a struggle at dinner time. I still make him a lunch and offer snacks all afternoon, but I don’t let it bother me constantly. We’ll see what the doctor says.
Up: He seems to grasp some larger life things I try to explain. Like a few days ago he didn’t want to play with the neighbor kid through the fence so he just said, “I don’t want to play with you” and went inside. He seemed a little rude when saying it, so I talked with him inside about how that may have sounded mean to his friend. That it was ok to not want to play anymore, but maybe next time he could say something like, “I need a little break, so I’m going to go inside. We can play again another day”. So today I heard him say, “Rohin, I’m really hot so let’s go inside and take a break”. (He meant in the different houses sense they were only playing through the fence). It wasn’t really hot out, but I was proud that he was trying to take his friend’s feelings into consideration. I told Rocco that I thought that was a nice way to talk to his friend and I gave him a star.
Up: Rocco has had only one BM accident in the last 10 days. Did you hear me? Rocco is pooping in the potty and whipping his own bottom almost every day. Mini fireworks go off and people start dancing in joy. Up: More detailed play. So this is hard to explain. He seems to take his play further than before. For instance, instead of just putting on his Mario costume, he will now put it on, find the Mario music on youtube and actual run around like he’s straight out of the game. (Super fun to watch!)
Up or down?: Rocco is wanting some private time. If you have been in our lives for a long time, you know that I have prayed for the day that Rocco didn’t want constant attention, but I don’t know if I should be happy about this. He likes to take my phone and put his playlist on and dance in his room with the door closed. Or sometimes he takes his gameboy in his room and gets upset if his sisters want to come in. This is normal growing up stuff right and normal is good?
It still feels like I’m on a roller coaster. One minute I think wow these meds are helping and then the next second, I’m like nope, you’re just imagining the positive things and this bad comment/action proves it. There is my whine for the week. I need to schedule the next appointment with his doctor to check progress with meds this week and will have Rocco’s meeting with all his instructors next month.
So, delaying a little bit.
Delay my disappointment how medicine is working.
Delay my judgments of Rocco’s actions.
Delay changing his medicine so I feel like I gave these specific ones a shot.
Delay calling his doctor to talk about meds because I have nothing concrete to support change or not.
Delay what I think is the inevitable
Delay thinking about ADHD for one more stinking night!
So my confusion is still about the same. Are these meds helping to the best any medication can help? Does the good out way the bad? Here are some more comments from his teacher:
3/23/11: Rocco wasn’t answering questions appropriate to the circle time conversation. Kept talking about things not related and couldn’t get back on topic. 3/25/11: Very loud today, but very alert.
They started testing last week so I hope the teachers are starting to see some improvement. I still feel like if I were to read in-between the lines, I’d get, “Rocco seems much more annoying with these meds. He actually seems worse and less happy.”
At home there are more up and down moments:
Down: Rocco seems a little meaner or less patient. Rocco used to touch his sisters’ heads excessively, but never to harm them. It was just a compulsive behavior. Now I’ll catch him squeeze their arm when they won’t stop bugging him. They whine/cry and then he says, “You’re ok”, in a voice to calm them down; maybe because he doesn’t want to get caught in action. He still doesn’t hit, push, bite or kick, but it’s still new undesirable aggression. He also seems less interested in playing with his younger friends.
Up: He talks more about the future with his sisters. “When I get bigger, I’m going to drive my sisters to the park. A far away park.” I find him and Frankie laying/lounging with each other more too.
Down: I think he is down about 5 pounds in 2 months. After breakfast he eats nothing. Not one cracker, nothing until about 6pm for dinner.
Up: There is less of a struggle at dinner time. I still make him a lunch and offer snacks all afternoon, but I don’t let it bother me constantly. We’ll see what the doctor says.
Up: He seems to grasp some larger life things I try to explain. Like a few days ago he didn’t want to play with the neighbor kid through the fence so he just said, “I don’t want to play with you” and went inside. He seemed a little rude when saying it, so I talked with him inside about how that may have sounded mean to his friend. That it was ok to not want to play anymore, but maybe next time he could say something like, “I need a little break, so I’m going to go inside. We can play again another day”. So today I heard him say, “Rohin, I’m really hot so let’s go inside and take a break”. (He meant in the different houses sense they were only playing through the fence). It wasn’t really hot out, but I was proud that he was trying to take his friend’s feelings into consideration. I told Rocco that I thought that was a nice way to talk to his friend and I gave him a star.
Up: Rocco has had only one BM accident in the last 10 days. Did you hear me? Rocco is pooping in the potty and whipping his own bottom almost every day. Mini fireworks go off and people start dancing in joy. Up: More detailed play. So this is hard to explain. He seems to take his play further than before. For instance, instead of just putting on his Mario costume, he will now put it on, find the Mario music on youtube and actual run around like he’s straight out of the game. (Super fun to watch!)
Up or down?: Rocco is wanting some private time. If you have been in our lives for a long time, you know that I have prayed for the day that Rocco didn’t want constant attention, but I don’t know if I should be happy about this. He likes to take my phone and put his playlist on and dance in his room with the door closed. Or sometimes he takes his gameboy in his room and gets upset if his sisters want to come in. This is normal growing up stuff right and normal is good?
It still feels like I’m on a roller coaster. One minute I think wow these meds are helping and then the next second, I’m like nope, you’re just imagining the positive things and this bad comment/action proves it. There is my whine for the week. I need to schedule the next appointment with his doctor to check progress with meds this week and will have Rocco’s meeting with all his instructors next month.
So, delaying a little bit.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Lucky
I had an appointment to have my almost 3 daughter tested for preschool and Rocco's current teacher was part of it. When I got there, she wanted to take a minute to talk about Rocco and the medicine. She said that it was hard to describe, but before the meds, Rocco seemed to not pay attention but was a very happy go lucky kid. Now he still seems in his own world, but much more serious. Things bother him much more and much more easily.
We talked more and settled on seeing if he has any progress academically and then address the behavioral things. So basically, if he improves his academic standings I then get the lucky choice of having a kid no one likes and able to handle school or having a happy fun kid that will be 8 before he starts 1st grade.
Ok a bit dramatic, but today has been long and I'm tired.
We talked more and settled on seeing if he has any progress academically and then address the behavioral things. So basically, if he improves his academic standings I then get the lucky choice of having a kid no one likes and able to handle school or having a happy fun kid that will be 8 before he starts 1st grade.
Ok a bit dramatic, but today has been long and I'm tired.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
5150
Who's ready for the ravings of a lunatic? Honestly, I have felt a little crazy this past week. One minute, Rocco does something, totally new and I give the meds the credit, then he has a major meltdown and I blame the meds. And so on and so on.
The good:
Rocco learned how to whistle. He never really showed interest in that before. He asked how and I showed him. Then he kept trying and in about a 36 hour period he got it. He whistled! I'm more impressed that he was determined to do something then the actual whistle, but we celebrated the victory together.
FOUR Days! Rocco went four days straight without pooping in his pants! The Peds Behavioral Specialist said that the meds could help with his potty training because he'd be more aware of his body's cues to go. On Sunday, I didn't give Rocco the medicine and he pooped in his pants. I'm hoping to get back on track with his progress.
Spontaneous descriptions are more detailed lately. Now most kids respond, "I don't remember", when you ask them what they did at school. Probably not because they forgot, but rather they don't want to take the time to tell you. Today after I picked up Rocco, he said: "Mom, in Speech, Ms. Jamie asked where the girl in the box was and I showed her and I was right. And then she read me a story and said the girl was moving and then she asked me what the girl was going to do and I said move." Not only do I think his focus is improving, but he's understanding more that he in fact is doing a good job.
He seems more interested in academics, like singing the ABC's without someone asking him to.
When spending one-on-one time with Rocco playing video games, it feels more like I'm playing with an equal rather then a mom playing with her little boy. This probably doesn't make any sense, but that's the best way to describe his maturity growth.
Wow Renee, things seem great right?
The Bad:
I am running out of things Rocco will eat. If he seems a tiny speck of green (Oregano) on his cheese pizza, he won't eat it. He's really examining his food and will dismiss anything that looks off to him. I feed him breakfast before his meds so he seems to eat that ok. I do try to beef up that meal, because lunch is really bad. His teacher says snack is really hard too. I make him choose his lunch in hopes that will help him eat it. Pretty much all week he takes like two bites of lunch and then says he's just not hungry. Dinner, I'm pretty much a short order cook, but I'm choosing my battles right now. He still is only eating about 50% at dinner time.
Rocco seems to have less patience with younger friends. He does seem to be playing better with kids his own age, but doesn't let the little kids tackle him anymore. To explain, he used to let a couple 2 year olds chase and jump on him. If he would get annoyed, he'd calmly ask them to get off or call for my help. Now he starts to cry and get all worked up if that happens. Not because he is physically hurt, but I think he's having a harder time controlling those emotions. Or I seem to notice the girls crying more over Rocco losing his patience with them easier. He still doesn't physically hurt them, but his more aggressive demeanor is bothering them.
Remember when I told you the Psychologist said no more timeouts and just ignore bad behavior? Well that is really hard to do especially with your sweet boy develops a teen aged like attitude. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO, I'm NOT going to do that!!!!" "Control your emotions, Rocco", I respond. "STOPPPPP saying that! You keep saying that!!!!! STOP", shouts Rocco. I think I grew up with "Respect your Elders" mentality and don't want to teach Rocco that being rude is accepted. Or maybe the more honest reason is because I want to be more superior as the parent. I don't know, but last night he was having a pretty intense tantrum and I think I quietly said to my husband that this medicine is not going good and right this very little second in time I want to stop it!
Note from his teacher: "3/11 & 3/12, Rocco is excessively talking during circle time and not listening. When asked comprehensive questions he was unable to answer." He also didn't earn a stamp yesterday because he wouldn't stop saying, "I don't want to sit next to Julian during snack time!" They teacher would respond, "Rocco, right now we are reading in circle time, it's not time for snack yet." She didn't say, Ok Rocco you don't have to sit next to him, so Rocco kept saying it and being disruptive. I told her, he probably was doing this because I remember Rocco telling me that Julian threw up on the snack table when he was sitting next to him. She said, "Yes, but that was three weeks ago". Another sign that some compulsive behavior is developing and certain things seem very unreasonable in Rocco's mind, like sharing a drink with anyone. I think the next thing I'm going to say sounds paranoid. Rocco's teachers seem more annoyed with Rocco then ever before. I'm sure this is probably because I asked them to report changes in his behavior and watch him more closely, but so far I seem to only be hearing the negative changes. Also, I've read that some teachers don't understand ADHD and are often annoyed with bad behavior from students with it (I don't blame them). So far, I've been really lucky in the fact that everyone has always said they LOVE Rocco and think he is such a nice happy-go-lucky kid. His delays in development were forefront in our previous discussions and I'm a little afraid he is being less liked. (That's a mom thing I probably just need to get over.)
So do I sound nuts yet? I even said to a friend today, Why can't I get the positive from the medicine without the negative? Wouldn't life be grand with only positive things! Throw in the fact that you never really know if the changes are 100% do to meds and not the fact that he is growing up!!!!
So I'm still sticking with the meds right now. Rocco will be tested in the next coming weeks to see his readiness for kindergarten and I hoping for progress.
Up, down, high, low, happy, frustrated.
The good:
Rocco learned how to whistle. He never really showed interest in that before. He asked how and I showed him. Then he kept trying and in about a 36 hour period he got it. He whistled! I'm more impressed that he was determined to do something then the actual whistle, but we celebrated the victory together.
FOUR Days! Rocco went four days straight without pooping in his pants! The Peds Behavioral Specialist said that the meds could help with his potty training because he'd be more aware of his body's cues to go. On Sunday, I didn't give Rocco the medicine and he pooped in his pants. I'm hoping to get back on track with his progress.
Spontaneous descriptions are more detailed lately. Now most kids respond, "I don't remember", when you ask them what they did at school. Probably not because they forgot, but rather they don't want to take the time to tell you. Today after I picked up Rocco, he said: "Mom, in Speech, Ms. Jamie asked where the girl in the box was and I showed her and I was right. And then she read me a story and said the girl was moving and then she asked me what the girl was going to do and I said move." Not only do I think his focus is improving, but he's understanding more that he in fact is doing a good job.
He seems more interested in academics, like singing the ABC's without someone asking him to.
When spending one-on-one time with Rocco playing video games, it feels more like I'm playing with an equal rather then a mom playing with her little boy. This probably doesn't make any sense, but that's the best way to describe his maturity growth.
Wow Renee, things seem great right?
The Bad:
I am running out of things Rocco will eat. If he seems a tiny speck of green (Oregano) on his cheese pizza, he won't eat it. He's really examining his food and will dismiss anything that looks off to him. I feed him breakfast before his meds so he seems to eat that ok. I do try to beef up that meal, because lunch is really bad. His teacher says snack is really hard too. I make him choose his lunch in hopes that will help him eat it. Pretty much all week he takes like two bites of lunch and then says he's just not hungry. Dinner, I'm pretty much a short order cook, but I'm choosing my battles right now. He still is only eating about 50% at dinner time.
Rocco seems to have less patience with younger friends. He does seem to be playing better with kids his own age, but doesn't let the little kids tackle him anymore. To explain, he used to let a couple 2 year olds chase and jump on him. If he would get annoyed, he'd calmly ask them to get off or call for my help. Now he starts to cry and get all worked up if that happens. Not because he is physically hurt, but I think he's having a harder time controlling those emotions. Or I seem to notice the girls crying more over Rocco losing his patience with them easier. He still doesn't physically hurt them, but his more aggressive demeanor is bothering them.
Remember when I told you the Psychologist said no more timeouts and just ignore bad behavior? Well that is really hard to do especially with your sweet boy develops a teen aged like attitude. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO, I'm NOT going to do that!!!!" "Control your emotions, Rocco", I respond. "STOPPPPP saying that! You keep saying that!!!!! STOP", shouts Rocco. I think I grew up with "Respect your Elders" mentality and don't want to teach Rocco that being rude is accepted. Or maybe the more honest reason is because I want to be more superior as the parent. I don't know, but last night he was having a pretty intense tantrum and I think I quietly said to my husband that this medicine is not going good and right this very little second in time I want to stop it!
Note from his teacher: "3/11 & 3/12, Rocco is excessively talking during circle time and not listening. When asked comprehensive questions he was unable to answer." He also didn't earn a stamp yesterday because he wouldn't stop saying, "I don't want to sit next to Julian during snack time!" They teacher would respond, "Rocco, right now we are reading in circle time, it's not time for snack yet." She didn't say, Ok Rocco you don't have to sit next to him, so Rocco kept saying it and being disruptive. I told her, he probably was doing this because I remember Rocco telling me that Julian threw up on the snack table when he was sitting next to him. She said, "Yes, but that was three weeks ago". Another sign that some compulsive behavior is developing and certain things seem very unreasonable in Rocco's mind, like sharing a drink with anyone. I think the next thing I'm going to say sounds paranoid. Rocco's teachers seem more annoyed with Rocco then ever before. I'm sure this is probably because I asked them to report changes in his behavior and watch him more closely, but so far I seem to only be hearing the negative changes. Also, I've read that some teachers don't understand ADHD and are often annoyed with bad behavior from students with it (I don't blame them). So far, I've been really lucky in the fact that everyone has always said they LOVE Rocco and think he is such a nice happy-go-lucky kid. His delays in development were forefront in our previous discussions and I'm a little afraid he is being less liked. (That's a mom thing I probably just need to get over.)
So do I sound nuts yet? I even said to a friend today, Why can't I get the positive from the medicine without the negative? Wouldn't life be grand with only positive things! Throw in the fact that you never really know if the changes are 100% do to meds and not the fact that he is growing up!!!!
So I'm still sticking with the meds right now. Rocco will be tested in the next coming weeks to see his readiness for kindergarten and I hoping for progress.
Up, down, high, low, happy, frustrated.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Good day
Yesterday was a long, but good day.
I took Rocco to Vacaville for his appointment with a Pediatrician that specializes in behavioral studies. He was really great. He explained things to me in a non-condescending manner and was really good with Rocco. This was the first appointment I felt like the doctor was really spending time with my son instead of only going off what I say. And this is what I got out of that appointment:
1. He confirms the ADHD diagnosis. (A little relief here only because it helps with the decision to medicate)
2. He puts Rocco at about 25% delayed for his age. Because of this he actually recommends that Rocco start in a regular Kindergarten class and not a special day one (SDK). He feels that in a SDK Rocco will be the top of his class and won't be challenged enough. He used the analogy that if he played tennis with someone that is great at it, he is bound to improve his own game and vice versa. He suggests having him pulled out for speech and language though.
3. Doctor confirmed the 27mg is a really good dose for Rocco. Being the goal to calm his ADHD and not sedate him. Just 2nd day on the dose and Rocco wasn't showing any jittery signs like when he first started 18mg. He is eating a little less, but I'm hoping that is improved over the next couple of weeks. Rocco seems to sleep through the night as well.
4. I can stop the medicine whenever I want. So say I choose not to medicate on the weekends or over summer break. No need to ask doctor. I will however have to get a paper prescription every three months because it is a controlled substance. (People abuse to lose weight and get wired)
5. We talked about when Rocco will be ready to stop meds in the next coming years. This is what he suggests. Every school year about 2 weeks before Christmas break, stop his meds without telling his teacher. This gives the teacher a few months to get to know Rocco and if he still needs the meds the teacher will notice a big change in his behavior and let me know. If not, maybe Rocco has learned the life skills needed to manage his ADHD and a break from meds is appropriate. (I'm totally going to do this even though I think meds will be needed for many of his young school years)
6. Food: Doctor was actually pleased that Rocco was able to articulate that the reason he didn't want the pizza was because of the little black speck on it. Not to worry too much about it. Ok, I'll try not to worry about this except for the fact I'm running out of things to feed him. He can't live off eggo waffles.
7. Rocco stayed seated the whole appointment. Yes it was at a table with activities and coloring, but he never got up once. Even when the doctor and I were talking for some time. This is a big change. While sitting he also drew and pointed out all the features of his picture to the doctor and I.
Mario is number 0 and Luigi is number 1 and the have gold buttons on their clothes and Luigi is green and Mario is red and Luigi has a "L" on his hat and Mario has a "M" on his hat.
Social milestone... Day one of 27mg, Rocco played at the next-door-neighbors house for about 1 1/2 hours. When he got home he told me he was tired and his friend was really upset he went home. The kid said, "I don't want to be your friend anymore" just because he was leaving. We have had this problem before, but this is how Rocco handled it this time: He asked me to go over there and explain he is just really tired. He was persistent that I did that. Rocco was aware of his friend's feelings and was concerned about them. This is a big step in his social development and he would have never done this pre-meds.
I took Rocco to Vacaville for his appointment with a Pediatrician that specializes in behavioral studies. He was really great. He explained things to me in a non-condescending manner and was really good with Rocco. This was the first appointment I felt like the doctor was really spending time with my son instead of only going off what I say. And this is what I got out of that appointment:
1. He confirms the ADHD diagnosis. (A little relief here only because it helps with the decision to medicate)
2. He puts Rocco at about 25% delayed for his age. Because of this he actually recommends that Rocco start in a regular Kindergarten class and not a special day one (SDK). He feels that in a SDK Rocco will be the top of his class and won't be challenged enough. He used the analogy that if he played tennis with someone that is great at it, he is bound to improve his own game and vice versa. He suggests having him pulled out for speech and language though.
3. Doctor confirmed the 27mg is a really good dose for Rocco. Being the goal to calm his ADHD and not sedate him. Just 2nd day on the dose and Rocco wasn't showing any jittery signs like when he first started 18mg. He is eating a little less, but I'm hoping that is improved over the next couple of weeks. Rocco seems to sleep through the night as well.
4. I can stop the medicine whenever I want. So say I choose not to medicate on the weekends or over summer break. No need to ask doctor. I will however have to get a paper prescription every three months because it is a controlled substance. (People abuse to lose weight and get wired)
5. We talked about when Rocco will be ready to stop meds in the next coming years. This is what he suggests. Every school year about 2 weeks before Christmas break, stop his meds without telling his teacher. This gives the teacher a few months to get to know Rocco and if he still needs the meds the teacher will notice a big change in his behavior and let me know. If not, maybe Rocco has learned the life skills needed to manage his ADHD and a break from meds is appropriate. (I'm totally going to do this even though I think meds will be needed for many of his young school years)
6. Food: Doctor was actually pleased that Rocco was able to articulate that the reason he didn't want the pizza was because of the little black speck on it. Not to worry too much about it. Ok, I'll try not to worry about this except for the fact I'm running out of things to feed him. He can't live off eggo waffles.
7. Rocco stayed seated the whole appointment. Yes it was at a table with activities and coloring, but he never got up once. Even when the doctor and I were talking for some time. This is a big change. While sitting he also drew and pointed out all the features of his picture to the doctor and I.
Mario is number 0 and Luigi is number 1 and the have gold buttons on their clothes and Luigi is green and Mario is red and Luigi has a "L" on his hat and Mario has a "M" on his hat.8. He gave me an accommodation sheet to review with his teachers each school year. He advised that it is law number 504 that requires teachers to make certain ADHD accommodations. REQUIRED people!!!!
9. He gave me medical journal information outlining a couple of non medicine things I could try that actual studies have been on to show some signs of improvement with ADHD. He highly recommends I stay on the medicine though.
10. He gave me the following recommendations for reading:
Book: ADHD - Complete and Authoritative Guide from the American Academy of Pediatrics (APP) at www.aap.org/bookstore
Online support: http://www.chadd.org/
He also gave me his direct email and phone number for any questions.
So all and all, I felt happy leaving that appointment. Yes people happy. I'm still scared and concern about Rocco and ADHD, but for two minutes I felt ok with it all. Is that horrible to say?
On a side note:Social milestone... Day one of 27mg, Rocco played at the next-door-neighbors house for about 1 1/2 hours. When he got home he told me he was tired and his friend was really upset he went home. The kid said, "I don't want to be your friend anymore" just because he was leaving. We have had this problem before, but this is how Rocco handled it this time: He asked me to go over there and explain he is just really tired. He was persistent that I did that. Rocco was aware of his friend's feelings and was concerned about them. This is a big step in his social development and he would have never done this pre-meds.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Up
So the last few days have been a little blurry. Rocco seems to have adjusted to the meds ok. Meaning, the jittery and loss of appetite have gotten better, but ADHD symptoms have not improved but seem to have gotten worse. We saw Rocco's doctor today for his Kindergarten physical and his first ADHD medication check up. She has decided to up his dose from 18mg to 27mg per day. (Which does mean a new prescription of course). She said that sometimes a low dose can cause the hyperactivity to be worse. She also said that she is conservative when first prescribing ADHD meds and that this new dose is more appropriate for his size.
At first thought that makes sense, because Rocco is the size of an eight year old, but then I remember reading that these types of drugs are about the brain and weight doesn't play a part. So I'm confused. I have also read that 88% of Concerta users are at 27mg or higher. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...
With yet another weary heart I'm going to try the new dose. Again, marathon not a sprint. One, and I mean ONE of the reasons I decided to try meds in the first place is the trial and error only stands to benefit Rocco in the long run. They'll either work, not work and lead us somewhere new, or the side effects won't be worth the benefits. At the very least I'm eliminating the "what if" with a short term risk. My research has shown that if a child doesn't respond to 3 different medications, then the ADHD diagnosis needs to be revisited. Yes a sad but true fact is that the Medical Industry is a statistics game. So I do also believe there is a change of misdiagnosis. I would want to know this sooner rather than later! I'm cautiously hopeful, but also anxious to have to see the jittery, none eating, ticking little boy again. It does break my heart, but Dr. says that those things should go away in about a week.
Do I sound like a the repeat button is stuck or what!?!
Fingers crossed. Still have the Behavioral Specialist Pediatrician appointment on Friday... we'll see what he has to say.
At first thought that makes sense, because Rocco is the size of an eight year old, but then I remember reading that these types of drugs are about the brain and weight doesn't play a part. So I'm confused. I have also read that 88% of Concerta users are at 27mg or higher. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...
With yet another weary heart I'm going to try the new dose. Again, marathon not a sprint. One, and I mean ONE of the reasons I decided to try meds in the first place is the trial and error only stands to benefit Rocco in the long run. They'll either work, not work and lead us somewhere new, or the side effects won't be worth the benefits. At the very least I'm eliminating the "what if" with a short term risk. My research has shown that if a child doesn't respond to 3 different medications, then the ADHD diagnosis needs to be revisited. Yes a sad but true fact is that the Medical Industry is a statistics game. So I do also believe there is a change of misdiagnosis. I would want to know this sooner rather than later! I'm cautiously hopeful, but also anxious to have to see the jittery, none eating, ticking little boy again. It does break my heart, but Dr. says that those things should go away in about a week.
Do I sound like a the repeat button is stuck or what!?!
Fingers crossed. Still have the Behavioral Specialist Pediatrician appointment on Friday... we'll see what he has to say.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Not Black Pepper!
Today started off a little rocky. I thought, let's get out of the house right away and let these kids have some standard issue rec time from their cells. On a budget of course, we headed over to Target for the free Dr. Seuss story time with free snacks and stickers. That went fine. Just two books and then we were off to the germ caked play place in the mall. Stayed there for about 30 minutes and then it was time for our public meltdown.
I did the whole transition warnings, 5 minutes, 2 minutes, let's go. It wasn't too bad inside of the store, but outside Rocco really turned up his charms. He refused to walk right when he was in the middle of the parking lot. Tony was behind me. (Side note, Tony wasn't going to go with us but Rocco threw a major fit so he just thought it was easier to come I guess) So I choose to ignore Rocco and just try to get to the car asap. I try not to let the public notice me yelling at my kid. Heaven forbid a mom yell at her kid in frustration. I know you guys never do. Anyways, This sparked a fight with Tony and & I because he saw it as I didn't care about the safety of my son. Ok long story short, Rocco didn't stop crying until after 5 minutes parked in our driveway. I did ignore Rocco's tantrum, but it probably wasn't very good fighting with Tony in front of the kids.
Don't worry, we made up pretty quickly. It may have helped that I made delicious homemade fried potato circles covered with fried eggs for brunch. uuummmm Fried Food.
Tony went to a friends house to watch a fight tonight so I wasn't going to cook a big ol meal just for the brats and I, but Rocco insisted upon Chicken Enchiladas. To say that this is his favorite meal is an understatement. Rocco has eaten more enchiladas then Tony & I probably the last 10 times I have made them. Tonight he ate about 4 bites.
First couple were enthusiastically swallowed with a yum response. He said the following sentence at least 3 times while I cooked them: "I'm so excited you are cooking chicken enchiladas mom". Then he noticed a little black speck on his plate. It was pepper people. I think McCormick taco seasoning has put a little pepper in the container. The enchiladas tasted the same as always. I removed the speck and Rocco hastily took another bite. After carefully examining his plate, he says, "I'm not hungry".
I didn't get upset, but advised him that there was nothing else he could eat for dinner tonight.
So along with not sharing a cup with someone. I speck of pepper can make it impossible for Rocco to eat his favorite meal. Rocco used to refuse to eat a grilled cheese sandwiches if I cut it into quarters instead of halves, but this seemed a little more severe.
Both the heightened tantrums and the more observant behavior still leaves me wondering if they are side effects or Rocco's way of protesting change. Like he's reacting to all the doctor appointments and he's making a stand.
He did not seem too jittery today though. I think it's hard for me to see his behavior worsen and not being able to discipline. It drives me crazy when I see parents letting their children completely walk all over them, but I'm trying my best with the new ignore approach.
All in all, I'd call today a good day though. Lots of time chillin with the fam.
I did the whole transition warnings, 5 minutes, 2 minutes, let's go. It wasn't too bad inside of the store, but outside Rocco really turned up his charms. He refused to walk right when he was in the middle of the parking lot. Tony was behind me. (Side note, Tony wasn't going to go with us but Rocco threw a major fit so he just thought it was easier to come I guess) So I choose to ignore Rocco and just try to get to the car asap. I try not to let the public notice me yelling at my kid. Heaven forbid a mom yell at her kid in frustration. I know you guys never do. Anyways, This sparked a fight with Tony and & I because he saw it as I didn't care about the safety of my son. Ok long story short, Rocco didn't stop crying until after 5 minutes parked in our driveway. I did ignore Rocco's tantrum, but it probably wasn't very good fighting with Tony in front of the kids.
Don't worry, we made up pretty quickly. It may have helped that I made delicious homemade fried potato circles covered with fried eggs for brunch. uuummmm Fried Food.
Tony went to a friends house to watch a fight tonight so I wasn't going to cook a big ol meal just for the brats and I, but Rocco insisted upon Chicken Enchiladas. To say that this is his favorite meal is an understatement. Rocco has eaten more enchiladas then Tony & I probably the last 10 times I have made them. Tonight he ate about 4 bites.
First couple were enthusiastically swallowed with a yum response. He said the following sentence at least 3 times while I cooked them: "I'm so excited you are cooking chicken enchiladas mom". Then he noticed a little black speck on his plate. It was pepper people. I think McCormick taco seasoning has put a little pepper in the container. The enchiladas tasted the same as always. I removed the speck and Rocco hastily took another bite. After carefully examining his plate, he says, "I'm not hungry".
I didn't get upset, but advised him that there was nothing else he could eat for dinner tonight.
So along with not sharing a cup with someone. I speck of pepper can make it impossible for Rocco to eat his favorite meal. Rocco used to refuse to eat a grilled cheese sandwiches if I cut it into quarters instead of halves, but this seemed a little more severe.
Both the heightened tantrums and the more observant behavior still leaves me wondering if they are side effects or Rocco's way of protesting change. Like he's reacting to all the doctor appointments and he's making a stand.
He did not seem too jittery today though. I think it's hard for me to see his behavior worsen and not being able to discipline. It drives me crazy when I see parents letting their children completely walk all over them, but I'm trying my best with the new ignore approach.
All in all, I'd call today a good day though. Lots of time chillin with the fam.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Another Appointment
I of course I missed the call from Rocco's doctor today. This is the voicemail I got:
"Hi this is Dr. Daley, and I got your message about Rocco. Sounds like we need to up his dose. Give me a call back at blah blah blah."
Really, up the dose? His ADHD symptoms seem to increase on the meds and giving more is going to decrease them? Logically this doesn't make sense, but the I've learned long ago that logic with a 5 year doesn't always work. I called the Dr. back, but we never connected.
I did also get a call from a referral that just took some time to come through. So far we've had 2 appointments with his pediatrician, autism screening, appointment with a psychiatrist and 2 appointments with a psychologist. Now next week we have an appointment with a pediatrician that is a behavioral specialist. I'm told I'll need to fill out the book of paperwork again and the monitoring at this appointment lasts about 2 hours. Did I mention it's in Vacaville? So basically an all day event. I'm not complaining though. I think this appointment will either confirm the diagnosis or lead us down another path. Either of which are another step in the right direction.
Symptoms were about the same today as yesterday. One different thing was his refusal to drink out of the same cup as anyone else. This has never been an issue before. Tonight at dinner, he was given water to drink and he really wanted soda. Broken record I know. So I was drinking some soda with my dinner and I offered him a sip of mine. He said, nah I'll just have water. Oh and at breakfast, Londy took a sip out of Rocco's cup and he insisted upon a new one. This could just be growing up thing, but it's something that is very different for him. Another way he seems more present in the present.
Rocco had a good night at Karate practice and then pooped in his diaper while trying to fall asleep. To which I did not get upset. Ups and downs but gosh I love that kid.
'
"Hi this is Dr. Daley, and I got your message about Rocco. Sounds like we need to up his dose. Give me a call back at blah blah blah."
Really, up the dose? His ADHD symptoms seem to increase on the meds and giving more is going to decrease them? Logically this doesn't make sense, but the I've learned long ago that logic with a 5 year doesn't always work. I called the Dr. back, but we never connected.
I did also get a call from a referral that just took some time to come through. So far we've had 2 appointments with his pediatrician, autism screening, appointment with a psychiatrist and 2 appointments with a psychologist. Now next week we have an appointment with a pediatrician that is a behavioral specialist. I'm told I'll need to fill out the book of paperwork again and the monitoring at this appointment lasts about 2 hours. Did I mention it's in Vacaville? So basically an all day event. I'm not complaining though. I think this appointment will either confirm the diagnosis or lead us down another path. Either of which are another step in the right direction.
Symptoms were about the same today as yesterday. One different thing was his refusal to drink out of the same cup as anyone else. This has never been an issue before. Tonight at dinner, he was given water to drink and he really wanted soda. Broken record I know. So I was drinking some soda with my dinner and I offered him a sip of mine. He said, nah I'll just have water. Oh and at breakfast, Londy took a sip out of Rocco's cup and he insisted upon a new one. This could just be growing up thing, but it's something that is very different for him. Another way he seems more present in the present.
Rocco had a good night at Karate practice and then pooped in his diaper while trying to fall asleep. To which I did not get upset. Ups and downs but gosh I love that kid.
'
Thursday, February 24, 2011
one step forward, two steps back
Just when the knot in my stomach started to loosen a little, it got pulled even tighter today.
I started to see improvement in Rocco's appetite yesterday and today. He is at about half of what he used to eat, but at least he is actively asking for food and not fighting me. I also haven't noticed tongue/mouth thing anymore. Maybe his body is starting to get used to the meds a little?
I had an appointment with a Psychologist today to discuss my difficulties potty training Rocco. She had asked that I not bring Rocco to this appointment. We discussed our plan of attack and I really hope this helps us turn a corner in that department. I also brought up some of the side effects/symptoms we are experiencing since starting the medication. As regards to Rocco seeming more wired and doing things more excessively, she said this is not normal and to call his pediatrician. As far as the seeming less control of his emotions and more aggressive (but not violent) tantrums, she thinks this is more behavioral and could be a coincidence that it is coming about at the same time as starting meds. This is how I'm advise to handle Rocco's undesirable behavior:
Ready for it?
Brace yourself...
I
Am
Just
To
IGNORE IT!
Really! No time outs, no arguing, no acknowledging bad behavior at all!
So if I ask Rocco to do something like get dressed and he yells at me and says, "No, I don't want to." I am to walk away and completely ignore it. Then 5 minutes later again ask him to get dressed again in a calm voice.
Look, I agree that a lot of parents make the mistake of reinforcing the negative when disciplining, including me, but ignoring bad behavior is going to be a challenge. Of course if he hits his sister, he's going on a time out, but pretty much everything else is ignored. Basically I think this approach has some valid points. For one, trying to reason with a child is somewhat pointless. They don't have logic yet. I don't think Johnny cares that mommy's feeling are hurt that he wasn't being very nice to his sister by not wanting to share his cookie with her. This psychologist says the less you say in a heated moment the better.
Ok I'm doing a poor job of explaining things so let me give you an example. Tonight before bed, Rocco wanted a sip of soda. We don't have any soda in the house. Tony offered him water. Rocco starts to raise his voice and says, "I WANT SODA!!!", Tony says something on the lines of don't yell at me. We don't have soda. Here is some water. Rocco: I WANT SODA, I WANT SODA, I WANT SODA! Tony: "I told you not to yell at me, go on a time out." Major tantrum on horizon! I was upstairs listening, but didn't want to step in and undermined Tony. Rocco of course refused to go on time out, started crying and yelling, "I want soda" over and over. Tony gives up, very frustrated and tells Rocco to go see me because he's done trying.
At this point Rocco is crying so much that his face is all red and is trying to yell "I want soda" in between trying to breath. Empowered by my appointment today, here's what I did. I sat down in the rocking recliner in Rocco's room and asked him to come sit on my lap. I told him I wanted to give him a hug to which I did. Still crying for his soda, I said, "I don't have soda, would you like water?" crying. want soda. crying. I then said it one more time in a very calm voice. "I don't have soda, would you like water?" That was it. He sat and cried for about 3 minutes and still asked for soda. I sat there with him on my lap, but said and did nothing else. A couple minutes later, Rocco seems to start calming himself down and points to the water bottle. I ask him if he would like some and he said yes. He drank a lot of water! I sang him 3 songs and tucked him in his bed.
It felt good. I felt more loving with this approach. Don't get me wrong, sitting there listening to his screaming and crying was hard. Yesterday I would have made him go on a time out for sure and would have been more angry overall.
Hey baby steps here. I'm not saying this approach is perfect and easy, but I'll give it a try.
So again I'll say that Rocco's tantrum and emotions seem to be heightened still. Side effect to the medicine remains unknown.
Here's the 2nd step back: His teacher sent some negative feedback home today. When I dropped him off this morning she said that she was going to start a log in his communication folder. So days that are good she won't write anything and days there are concerns vice versa. Can I say that I love his teacher for being committed to helping Rocco! So today this is the note I got:
2/23: Talking loud, wringing hands, jumping when told to stand still. Talking excessively.
Crap. In all the time he has been going to preschool, (2 1/2 years) I have never received so much negative feedback on one day. So it makes me feel that these behavior things are either new or worse since we started the medicine. And that leaves me with:
Are we on the wrong medicine or is the dose too high, or has Rocco been misdiagnosed all together? I wish there was a way to 100% without doubt know the answer to that question!!!! Is this something I need to be giving time so that Rocco adjusts to meds or am I completing wrong for listening to his doctors and giving him meds?
Just when I thought I was making progress.
So for now, I have a call into his doctor and should hear back within 24 hours. I will give him a pill tomorrow because I not suppose to stop cold turkey without doctor approval.
Sorry this post seems so negative. I'm kind of in a mood due to some other stress in my life and I think that this seeping over here tonight. I think I would have a drink tonight if I had any alcohol in the house, but I'll settle for some "Teen Mom 2" therapy. Yes seeing other people acting stupid make me feel better about myself. haha
I started to see improvement in Rocco's appetite yesterday and today. He is at about half of what he used to eat, but at least he is actively asking for food and not fighting me. I also haven't noticed tongue/mouth thing anymore. Maybe his body is starting to get used to the meds a little?
I had an appointment with a Psychologist today to discuss my difficulties potty training Rocco. She had asked that I not bring Rocco to this appointment. We discussed our plan of attack and I really hope this helps us turn a corner in that department. I also brought up some of the side effects/symptoms we are experiencing since starting the medication. As regards to Rocco seeming more wired and doing things more excessively, she said this is not normal and to call his pediatrician. As far as the seeming less control of his emotions and more aggressive (but not violent) tantrums, she thinks this is more behavioral and could be a coincidence that it is coming about at the same time as starting meds. This is how I'm advise to handle Rocco's undesirable behavior:
Ready for it?
Brace yourself...
I
Am
Just
To
IGNORE IT!
Really! No time outs, no arguing, no acknowledging bad behavior at all!
So if I ask Rocco to do something like get dressed and he yells at me and says, "No, I don't want to." I am to walk away and completely ignore it. Then 5 minutes later again ask him to get dressed again in a calm voice.
Look, I agree that a lot of parents make the mistake of reinforcing the negative when disciplining, including me, but ignoring bad behavior is going to be a challenge. Of course if he hits his sister, he's going on a time out, but pretty much everything else is ignored. Basically I think this approach has some valid points. For one, trying to reason with a child is somewhat pointless. They don't have logic yet. I don't think Johnny cares that mommy's feeling are hurt that he wasn't being very nice to his sister by not wanting to share his cookie with her. This psychologist says the less you say in a heated moment the better.
Ok I'm doing a poor job of explaining things so let me give you an example. Tonight before bed, Rocco wanted a sip of soda. We don't have any soda in the house. Tony offered him water. Rocco starts to raise his voice and says, "I WANT SODA!!!", Tony says something on the lines of don't yell at me. We don't have soda. Here is some water. Rocco: I WANT SODA, I WANT SODA, I WANT SODA! Tony: "I told you not to yell at me, go on a time out." Major tantrum on horizon! I was upstairs listening, but didn't want to step in and undermined Tony. Rocco of course refused to go on time out, started crying and yelling, "I want soda" over and over. Tony gives up, very frustrated and tells Rocco to go see me because he's done trying.
At this point Rocco is crying so much that his face is all red and is trying to yell "I want soda" in between trying to breath. Empowered by my appointment today, here's what I did. I sat down in the rocking recliner in Rocco's room and asked him to come sit on my lap. I told him I wanted to give him a hug to which I did. Still crying for his soda, I said, "I don't have soda, would you like water?" crying. want soda. crying. I then said it one more time in a very calm voice. "I don't have soda, would you like water?" That was it. He sat and cried for about 3 minutes and still asked for soda. I sat there with him on my lap, but said and did nothing else. A couple minutes later, Rocco seems to start calming himself down and points to the water bottle. I ask him if he would like some and he said yes. He drank a lot of water! I sang him 3 songs and tucked him in his bed.
It felt good. I felt more loving with this approach. Don't get me wrong, sitting there listening to his screaming and crying was hard. Yesterday I would have made him go on a time out for sure and would have been more angry overall.
Hey baby steps here. I'm not saying this approach is perfect and easy, but I'll give it a try.
So again I'll say that Rocco's tantrum and emotions seem to be heightened still. Side effect to the medicine remains unknown.
Here's the 2nd step back: His teacher sent some negative feedback home today. When I dropped him off this morning she said that she was going to start a log in his communication folder. So days that are good she won't write anything and days there are concerns vice versa. Can I say that I love his teacher for being committed to helping Rocco! So today this is the note I got:
2/23: Talking loud, wringing hands, jumping when told to stand still. Talking excessively.
Crap. In all the time he has been going to preschool, (2 1/2 years) I have never received so much negative feedback on one day. So it makes me feel that these behavior things are either new or worse since we started the medicine. And that leaves me with:
Are we on the wrong medicine or is the dose too high, or has Rocco been misdiagnosed all together? I wish there was a way to 100% without doubt know the answer to that question!!!! Is this something I need to be giving time so that Rocco adjusts to meds or am I completing wrong for listening to his doctors and giving him meds?
Just when I thought I was making progress.
So for now, I have a call into his doctor and should hear back within 24 hours. I will give him a pill tomorrow because I not suppose to stop cold turkey without doctor approval.
Sorry this post seems so negative. I'm kind of in a mood due to some other stress in my life and I think that this seeping over here tonight. I think I would have a drink tonight if I had any alcohol in the house, but I'll settle for some "Teen Mom 2" therapy. Yes seeing other people acting stupid make me feel better about myself. haha
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Day Three and Four
Day 3:
Rocco fell asleep at 10pm at Nonna's house on Sunday night and woke up at 4am. He had been requesting a lot of water the night before and Nonna thinks he was because he had dry mouth. So he peed through his pull up and then couldn't go back to sleep. He stayed in bed with Nonna until 8am. She said, while he was quiet, his body could not keep still those four hours.
During the day he was well behaved with Nonna, (it helps that she spoils him) and ate lunch without fighting her. She did notice that he was still moving his mouth around quite a bit though. I picked him up around 5 pm and he fell asleep on the way home. (This is not normal for Rocco to fall asleep in the car, but I'm glad the medicine didn't prevent him from snoozing because he was awake since 4am)
Day 4:
Rocco slept from 8:45pm to 7:15am. He even slept 15 minutes past everyone else in the house which normally he wouldn't be able to sleep through our noise. My poor boy was tired.
Appetite was improved today. His body seems to be working so hard and getting fuel from food is way better for his health then just being wired.
Ok reread the above sentence after you read what he actually ate today. And remember that I'm the mom promoting healthy fuel:
Breakfast: Waffles with SF Syrup & OJ
School Snack: Apple and about 4 Ritz Crackers & Capri Sun
Lunch: 1 1/2 Slices of Cheese Pizza & Capri Sun
Snack: 4 Oreo cookies & Water
Dinner: Homemade Chili Dog, French Fries & Water
After Bath: He said that he was really hungry and I was glad he wanted to eat so I let him pick a snack which was the oh so healthy BBQ chips.
Besides eating some more, another good thing today was that I didn't notice the mouth moving crazy thing. He did have a pretty busy day including school and T-Ball practice and he handled the day well.
I wrote a really long note to his teacher and she wrote back a very supportive one. She said that she understands how hard my decision to medicate was and that they will really monitor Rocco over the next few months. Making sure the difference in school is worth the medicine in a nutshell. I feel very lucky with his current teacher and aids. I do feel like I have a little team in Rocco's corner. I giving him the water and the teachers are holding the spit bucket so to speak.
On a slightly negative note: I'm gaining a 10 year old attitude.
I talked in my last post about Rocco's "Tantrums" seeming different; more heightened emotions. Same thing today and even got some preteen attitude thrown in for fun. Pre-Meds, Rocco might whine, "I don't want to go" and huff and puff. Today, when leaving a playdate, Rocco with a rude tone said, "I'm not going home!" Hey this may be normal for a five year old, but it's different from Rocco's past behavior.
Another couple of days checked off in our journey.
Rocco fell asleep at 10pm at Nonna's house on Sunday night and woke up at 4am. He had been requesting a lot of water the night before and Nonna thinks he was because he had dry mouth. So he peed through his pull up and then couldn't go back to sleep. He stayed in bed with Nonna until 8am. She said, while he was quiet, his body could not keep still those four hours.
During the day he was well behaved with Nonna, (it helps that she spoils him) and ate lunch without fighting her. She did notice that he was still moving his mouth around quite a bit though. I picked him up around 5 pm and he fell asleep on the way home. (This is not normal for Rocco to fall asleep in the car, but I'm glad the medicine didn't prevent him from snoozing because he was awake since 4am)
Day 4:
Rocco slept from 8:45pm to 7:15am. He even slept 15 minutes past everyone else in the house which normally he wouldn't be able to sleep through our noise. My poor boy was tired.
Appetite was improved today. His body seems to be working so hard and getting fuel from food is way better for his health then just being wired.
Ok reread the above sentence after you read what he actually ate today. And remember that I'm the mom promoting healthy fuel:
Breakfast: Waffles with SF Syrup & OJ
School Snack: Apple and about 4 Ritz Crackers & Capri Sun
Lunch: 1 1/2 Slices of Cheese Pizza & Capri Sun
Snack: 4 Oreo cookies & Water
Dinner: Homemade Chili Dog, French Fries & Water
After Bath: He said that he was really hungry and I was glad he wanted to eat so I let him pick a snack which was the oh so healthy BBQ chips.
Besides eating some more, another good thing today was that I didn't notice the mouth moving crazy thing. He did have a pretty busy day including school and T-Ball practice and he handled the day well.
I wrote a really long note to his teacher and she wrote back a very supportive one. She said that she understands how hard my decision to medicate was and that they will really monitor Rocco over the next few months. Making sure the difference in school is worth the medicine in a nutshell. I feel very lucky with his current teacher and aids. I do feel like I have a little team in Rocco's corner. I giving him the water and the teachers are holding the spit bucket so to speak.
On a slightly negative note: I'm gaining a 10 year old attitude.
I talked in my last post about Rocco's "Tantrums" seeming different; more heightened emotions. Same thing today and even got some preteen attitude thrown in for fun. Pre-Meds, Rocco might whine, "I don't want to go" and huff and puff. Today, when leaving a playdate, Rocco with a rude tone said, "I'm not going home!" Hey this may be normal for a five year old, but it's different from Rocco's past behavior.
Another couple of days checked off in our journey.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Day Two
So I'm happy to report that Rocco slept through the night no problem.
I fed him breakfast and then gave him one 18mg Concerta pill. He didn't fight me and took it no problem.
The first few hours were fine. I had tivo'd the movie "Sand Lot" since he just started T-Ball and he watched half of it no problem. He wanted to finish it, but we needed to leave and go to Nonna's.
The lack of appetite thing really bugs me so today I tried taking him for a treat to get hamburgers. He said yes and then took one bite and said it tasted funny. Now he's probably eaten this hamburger from Burger King 100 times and he has never not finished it. I told him if he ate half, I'd let me have some icee. Yes I did try to explain to Rocco that this medicine some times makes us not hungry, but we still need to eat and yes it completely flew over his head.
Rocco was previously invited to spend the night at Nonna's house. I was a little anxious to leave him only on day two of his meds, but I knew Nonna would spoil him rotten and that helps a little with my guilt. I spent all evening thinking about him and we talked twice on the phone. He did eat all his sausage and was so excited to tell me. He also wanted to make sure I gave him a star for doing so good. (Every 10 Stars he gets a new lego toy we put together. He enjoys the one-on-one time and I'm happy he works on his fine motor skills)
In all honesty, it was a little nice not to be monitoring him every 15 minutes and watching every time he moved his tongue around. My emotions had a little break. I'll be interested to see how his grandparents saw Rocco on the meds.
I love Rocco. Just felt like saying that.
Anyways, we'll see how he did at Nonna's tomorrow. And yes Nonna is all set to give him a pill in the morning.
I fed him breakfast and then gave him one 18mg Concerta pill. He didn't fight me and took it no problem.
The first few hours were fine. I had tivo'd the movie "Sand Lot" since he just started T-Ball and he watched half of it no problem. He wanted to finish it, but we needed to leave and go to Nonna's.
The lack of appetite thing really bugs me so today I tried taking him for a treat to get hamburgers. He said yes and then took one bite and said it tasted funny. Now he's probably eaten this hamburger from Burger King 100 times and he has never not finished it. I told him if he ate half, I'd let me have some icee. Yes I did try to explain to Rocco that this medicine some times makes us not hungry, but we still need to eat and yes it completely flew over his head.
Rocco was previously invited to spend the night at Nonna's house. I was a little anxious to leave him only on day two of his meds, but I knew Nonna would spoil him rotten and that helps a little with my guilt. I spent all evening thinking about him and we talked twice on the phone. He did eat all his sausage and was so excited to tell me. He also wanted to make sure I gave him a star for doing so good. (Every 10 Stars he gets a new lego toy we put together. He enjoys the one-on-one time and I'm happy he works on his fine motor skills)
In all honesty, it was a little nice not to be monitoring him every 15 minutes and watching every time he moved his tongue around. My emotions had a little break. I'll be interested to see how his grandparents saw Rocco on the meds.
I love Rocco. Just felt like saying that.
Anyways, we'll see how he did at Nonna's tomorrow. And yes Nonna is all set to give him a pill in the morning.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Where is my corner and dime bag?
Ok day one was not so great. It started out fine. First few hours Rocco seemed fine. I was really watching for headache or stomach pain but every time I asked he said no.
The good:
Rocco seemed to be more present today. More aware of even my feelings. It did not feel like I lost my son at all. His personality was the same and he still was my happy boy. His questions and comments to me today seemed more specific. Like instead of saying, "I don't like that sandwich", he said, "I don't like that sandwich because it doesn't taste like how grandma makes it."
The bad:
Lack of appeitite: At lunch I gave him lots if choices and he said he wanted a corn dog. I made him one and he said he wasn't hungry. He drank lots of OJ today, but didn't eat anything until about 5pm. He then asked for two grilled cheese sandwiches & BBQ chips. I knew eating could be a problem, so I just gave him what he wanted. He ate all the BBQ chips & one bite of the sandwich. We made cupcakes together as one-on-one time & he did eat one of those. I knew to make sure he ate breakfast before taking the pill so he did eat pancakes this morning. So Pancakes. OJ, water, BBQ chips and a Cupcake.
I feel like a drug pusher/dealer. Here's why. Rocco showed symptoms like he was on street meth. He put his fingers in his mouth a lot, then moved his tongue around a lot, then started making a clicking sound. When it came to more quiet things, like watching a new movie, he actually seemed less interested than usual and talking more during it. He had a few tantrums today too that seemed different then usual. For example, I was getting frustrated playing a video game with him so I decided to stop, get up and leave the room. He cried a lot and couldn't seem to calm himself down. Now Rocco is only five and he has had plenty of tantrums but these were like his emotions were even more heightened.
He seemed so wired that I really doubted he would be able to go to bed come 8pm like normal. I gave him the 12 hour medicine at 8am this morning and he went to lay down at 8:40pm. He was asleep by 9pm. So not too bad, but we will see if he stays asleep throughout the night.
In honestly, I'm freaking out a little bit. If I had to base my medicine decision on today alone, I wouldn't give it to him anymore. If the drugs are to mellow him out, then they failed today. While I think Rocco seemed more understanding of his surroundings, it felt like I shot him up with 20 pepsi's worth of caffeine.
I think I really need to take a step back, realize that it's the first day, understand that this is a long road & I need to stop projecting my guilt and anxiety onto how Rocco is feeling.
He did not complain of any pain and he did say (without me asking) that he did want to take this medicine again tomorrow. So while I'm not really happy with how today went, I'm going to give it to him again when he wakes up.
I know it's day one. I know it's day one. There a many steps to come if medicine is to work. There is adjustment period and getting the right meds/dosage too. If anyone thinks that drugs are the easy way out, they are mistaken! I think tomorrow we will get out of the house and do something too & that may help.
The good:
Rocco seemed to be more present today. More aware of even my feelings. It did not feel like I lost my son at all. His personality was the same and he still was my happy boy. His questions and comments to me today seemed more specific. Like instead of saying, "I don't like that sandwich", he said, "I don't like that sandwich because it doesn't taste like how grandma makes it."
The bad:
Lack of appeitite: At lunch I gave him lots if choices and he said he wanted a corn dog. I made him one and he said he wasn't hungry. He drank lots of OJ today, but didn't eat anything until about 5pm. He then asked for two grilled cheese sandwiches & BBQ chips. I knew eating could be a problem, so I just gave him what he wanted. He ate all the BBQ chips & one bite of the sandwich. We made cupcakes together as one-on-one time & he did eat one of those. I knew to make sure he ate breakfast before taking the pill so he did eat pancakes this morning. So Pancakes. OJ, water, BBQ chips and a Cupcake.
I feel like a drug pusher/dealer. Here's why. Rocco showed symptoms like he was on street meth. He put his fingers in his mouth a lot, then moved his tongue around a lot, then started making a clicking sound. When it came to more quiet things, like watching a new movie, he actually seemed less interested than usual and talking more during it. He had a few tantrums today too that seemed different then usual. For example, I was getting frustrated playing a video game with him so I decided to stop, get up and leave the room. He cried a lot and couldn't seem to calm himself down. Now Rocco is only five and he has had plenty of tantrums but these were like his emotions were even more heightened.
He seemed so wired that I really doubted he would be able to go to bed come 8pm like normal. I gave him the 12 hour medicine at 8am this morning and he went to lay down at 8:40pm. He was asleep by 9pm. So not too bad, but we will see if he stays asleep throughout the night.
In honestly, I'm freaking out a little bit. If I had to base my medicine decision on today alone, I wouldn't give it to him anymore. If the drugs are to mellow him out, then they failed today. While I think Rocco seemed more understanding of his surroundings, it felt like I shot him up with 20 pepsi's worth of caffeine.
I think I really need to take a step back, realize that it's the first day, understand that this is a long road & I need to stop projecting my guilt and anxiety onto how Rocco is feeling.
He did not complain of any pain and he did say (without me asking) that he did want to take this medicine again tomorrow. So while I'm not really happy with how today went, I'm going to give it to him again when he wakes up.
I know it's day one. I know it's day one. There a many steps to come if medicine is to work. There is adjustment period and getting the right meds/dosage too. If anyone thinks that drugs are the easy way out, they are mistaken! I think tomorrow we will get out of the house and do something too & that may help.
Day One
So I have decided to give medicine a try. They say it could take up to 6-9 months to get the right type and dose right to be effective so I'm dedicated to giving it a real try.
I did not come to this decision lightly! Let me repeat: I DID NOT COME TO THIS DECISION LIGHTLY!
I'm not yet an advocate for this treatment nor do I know I made the right decision without doubt. Yes I realize I'm giving my son legal meth and its really hard to do. I feel scared and honestly I feel like I failed my son a little. I know that is my emotions poking at me and that I did do research to come to this decision but it still feels bad. I'll go into how I came to this decision in a later post, but I wanted to create this blog to have a way to monitor his progress or lack of.
After breakfast, at 8am, I gave Rocco one 18mg Concerta pill. This is a time release med that is suppose to last for 12 hours. This is the smallest dose of concerta availalbe. 4 hours in and no headache or stomach ache yet. They say that those side effects may happen the first week until his body gets used to it.
So I don't know how this is all going to turn out, but I'm documenting our journey and maybe it will help others going through this in the future.
I did not come to this decision lightly! Let me repeat: I DID NOT COME TO THIS DECISION LIGHTLY!
I'm not yet an advocate for this treatment nor do I know I made the right decision without doubt. Yes I realize I'm giving my son legal meth and its really hard to do. I feel scared and honestly I feel like I failed my son a little. I know that is my emotions poking at me and that I did do research to come to this decision but it still feels bad. I'll go into how I came to this decision in a later post, but I wanted to create this blog to have a way to monitor his progress or lack of.
After breakfast, at 8am, I gave Rocco one 18mg Concerta pill. This is a time release med that is suppose to last for 12 hours. This is the smallest dose of concerta availalbe. 4 hours in and no headache or stomach ache yet. They say that those side effects may happen the first week until his body gets used to it.
So I don't know how this is all going to turn out, but I'm documenting our journey and maybe it will help others going through this in the future.
A Little Relieved? How dare I!
WARNING: THIS POST IS GOING TO OFFEND YOU, SO DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE OFFENDED!
So I get the diagnosis and honestly felt a little relieved. When you spend all five years of your sons life thinking that something is off and then someone tells you why and that its not all your fault, relief is bound to happen. Yes I'm still concerned and feel ignorant to ADHD, but for one second I felt relieved. Then I posted this on Facebook:
“It's official. Rocco has been diagnosed with ADHD. Mixed emotions for me. Class next week to look at all treatment options & then go from there.”
Yes I know I was opening a can of worms, but didn't yet know how I'd feel about the comments I got. I was a little upset by them. I didn't respond on FB at all because it was my own fault posting the status update, but I don't think I specifically asked for everyone's opinion either. Here the comments are and under each one I'll respond 100% honestly how I felt after reading them:
“Don't believe it...they tried to diagnose my brother when he was little and he came out just fine. I personally don't believe in it but that is just me"
ME: Relief gone! Am I stupid to believe in ADHD? Am I accepting the diagnosis because I need something to be wrong with him? Something has to be wrong so I'm not the worst mom ever!
“I agree with above. Seems like they diagnose too many kids with that. But I support any decision you've gotta make. And we love Roc regardless.”
ME: Is this just something they diagnosis kids with as an easy fix? Thanks for being supportive at least.
“ask about the diet, it worked for myself and my brothers, no sugars, no preprocessed food, no red dye. to this day I drink lots of caffine and it actually calms me down. Many kids with add/adhd tend to be very smart and gifted. look at the bright side of things. hang in there”
ME: Well first off I never thought of Rocco as retarded? Wait stop being defensive Ren! She is trying to be nice. Is it really possible to control with diet only? Or is that philosophy the same as the moms that believe vaccines cause autisum? To this I strongly disagree, but what does that have to do with ADHD?
“I think you should focus on the positive side too. I think knowing this will help him not hurt him. I love you both :)”
ME: I thought this would help him not hurt him but why did you think I was only thinking negative?
“sending you hugs Ren!! Xxoo”
ME: Thanks for the love and not putting your two cents in :-) (Ok I admit I was overreacting a little bit to the other comments)
“honestly we all have ADD. its so common.. doctors just say that crap cuz they have to have an answer for everything.. dont worry about it so much”
ME: Again, don't think ADHD is a real treatable disease? It's kind of like saying, "Oh he's just a boy!
“Don't worry, he'll grow out of it.”
ME: Fuck you. Really I mean, this feeling like something is wrong with your son is not a big deal and just forget about it. (DISCLAIMER: I love this person and know that she meant nothing but kindness, but I still had that reaction)
“Hmmmmmm. Like I mentioned before the school psychologist from Hirsch told me they usually diagnose it later (unless I'm mistaken) so it could be inaccurate. Either way its hard to decide what's best for your child so go with your gut!! Rocco is a great little boy and is going to be just fine, he already is!!”
ME: Crap is it just me that wants a diagnosis? I'm I pushing this too soon? Do I just SUCK as a MOM? Rocco is a great little boy, but why is it then that no one in his extended family ever really offer to spend one on one time with him? And if he's fine, then why as his mother do I think something is off? Am I overreacting?
“Knowledge is power, so the more you learn the better he'll be. Your very resourcefull, he will be fine.”
ME: Agreed. Thanks.
“Its not a bad thing! Give him a big kiss for me!!”
ME: It's not bad? I'm considering giving my kid crack and that is not a bad thing? Somehow I don't think a kiss is going to fix anything, since I kiss him all the time, but I'll give him one from you.
“no worries ,everything it will be ok,I heard that Einstein had it.So he had crazy hair so what?Don't worry so much.Hugs”
ME: I know you are trying to be sweet and supportive. Thanks. Telling a mom not to worry though is like telling a bear not to shit in the woods.
I was upset that night. I know that people were just being nice and that my fear of the unknown was just playing me. So I just shrugged it off and started my research...
So I get the diagnosis and honestly felt a little relieved. When you spend all five years of your sons life thinking that something is off and then someone tells you why and that its not all your fault, relief is bound to happen. Yes I'm still concerned and feel ignorant to ADHD, but for one second I felt relieved. Then I posted this on Facebook:
“It's official. Rocco has been diagnosed with ADHD. Mixed emotions for me. Class next week to look at all treatment options & then go from there.”
Yes I know I was opening a can of worms, but didn't yet know how I'd feel about the comments I got. I was a little upset by them. I didn't respond on FB at all because it was my own fault posting the status update, but I don't think I specifically asked for everyone's opinion either. Here the comments are and under each one I'll respond 100% honestly how I felt after reading them:
“Don't believe it...they tried to diagnose my brother when he was little and he came out just fine. I personally don't believe in it but that is just me"
ME: Relief gone! Am I stupid to believe in ADHD? Am I accepting the diagnosis because I need something to be wrong with him? Something has to be wrong so I'm not the worst mom ever!
“I agree with above. Seems like they diagnose too many kids with that. But I support any decision you've gotta make. And we love Roc regardless.”
ME: Is this just something they diagnosis kids with as an easy fix? Thanks for being supportive at least.
“ask about the diet, it worked for myself and my brothers, no sugars, no preprocessed food, no red dye. to this day I drink lots of caffine and it actually calms me down. Many kids with add/adhd tend to be very smart and gifted. look at the bright side of things. hang in there”
ME: Well first off I never thought of Rocco as retarded? Wait stop being defensive Ren! She is trying to be nice. Is it really possible to control with diet only? Or is that philosophy the same as the moms that believe vaccines cause autisum? To this I strongly disagree, but what does that have to do with ADHD?
“I think you should focus on the positive side too. I think knowing this will help him not hurt him. I love you both :)”
ME: I thought this would help him not hurt him but why did you think I was only thinking negative?
“sending you hugs Ren!! Xxoo”
ME: Thanks for the love and not putting your two cents in :-) (Ok I admit I was overreacting a little bit to the other comments)
“honestly we all have ADD. its so common.. doctors just say that crap cuz they have to have an answer for everything.. dont worry about it so much”
ME: Again, don't think ADHD is a real treatable disease? It's kind of like saying, "Oh he's just a boy!
“Don't worry, he'll grow out of it.”
ME: Fuck you. Really I mean, this feeling like something is wrong with your son is not a big deal and just forget about it. (DISCLAIMER: I love this person and know that she meant nothing but kindness, but I still had that reaction)
“Hmmmmmm. Like I mentioned before the school psychologist from Hirsch told me they usually diagnose it later (unless I'm mistaken) so it could be inaccurate. Either way its hard to decide what's best for your child so go with your gut!! Rocco is a great little boy and is going to be just fine, he already is!!”
ME: Crap is it just me that wants a diagnosis? I'm I pushing this too soon? Do I just SUCK as a MOM? Rocco is a great little boy, but why is it then that no one in his extended family ever really offer to spend one on one time with him? And if he's fine, then why as his mother do I think something is off? Am I overreacting?
“Knowledge is power, so the more you learn the better he'll be. Your very resourcefull, he will be fine.”
ME: Agreed. Thanks.
“Its not a bad thing! Give him a big kiss for me!!”
ME: It's not bad? I'm considering giving my kid crack and that is not a bad thing? Somehow I don't think a kiss is going to fix anything, since I kiss him all the time, but I'll give him one from you.
“no worries ,everything it will be ok,I heard that Einstein had it.So he had crazy hair so what?Don't worry so much.Hugs”
ME: I know you are trying to be sweet and supportive. Thanks. Telling a mom not to worry though is like telling a bear not to shit in the woods.
I was upset that night. I know that people were just being nice and that my fear of the unknown was just playing me. So I just shrugged it off and started my research...
Diagnosis
This is a quick summary of why we are here today. My 5 year old son, Rocco, has recently been diagnosis with ADHD by medical professionals.
Let me back up a little bit to understand how we got here. I have thought something has been off with my son since he was an infant. That feeling is so hard admit let alone to describe but it's been with me for five years now. When he was a baby, he needed constant attention. While you might say this is normal. He's a baby! Just trust me when I say CONSTANT attention. I gave less attention to my twin daughters combined when they were babies then I gave my son. Toddler days, I wished my son would watch TV show for a 20 minute break, but he never seemed interested for more than 5 minutes. And the E.N.D.L.E.S.S. energy! Wow! I will say though even with these things I would have never thought ADHD, I just thought oh he's a boy.
When he turned three I had him tested by the school district and he came back with severe speech delay along with some comprehensive and fine motor skill delays. So we started a 5 days a week, special day preschool. During the next couple of years, certain behaviors led me to seek medical help. These are hard to describe, but I'll try to give you a couple...
Rocco likes to touch is sister's heads. Just a little tap to the top of the head. Not to hurt them, but he just likes to do it. So after the touching is annoying them, I ask him to stop. He looks at me and touches them again. I start to get angry and threaten a time out and then he does it again. Now this is what I think is different about Roc. When he did it, you can tell in his eyes that he didn't want to. That he wasn't doing it to get my attention, he just HAD to do it. Like he had no control over it. Like an OCD person has to turn the door knob 9 times before leaving.
Not many kids would play with him at the park. I think they mistook his size and thought he was older than he was. Kids would talk to him and he couldn't comprehend it clearly and when he wouldn't respond it was like they lost interest in playing with him. He also has trouble understanding social cues. He'll exsessivly ask someone to play with him and not realize that it's annoying that person. Or not understand when someone wants to take a break from playing.
Rocco takes Karate lessons. So during a learning exercise the teacher lined up 4 kids and had them take turns kicking a pad. When it was Rocco's turn he kicked but didn't say "Kee Yah" while doing it. The teacher says, "Good job Rocco just remember to say your Kee Yah next time." He goes to the back of the line. There is maybe 30 seconds until it's his turn again. Same thing, kick no Kee Yah. Teacher corrects Rocco again and sends him to the back of the line. 3rd time and Rocco still doesn't Kee Yah. This time the teacher says, "Rocco, are you going to say your Kee Yahs or do you want to do 10 push ups?" To which Rocco replies, "I want to do 10 push ups." He says this in a happy voice. My son could not understand that the push ups were a punishment.
In preschool, his teacher describes his focusing problems with this example: If Rocco is sitting right in front of me during book reading circle time, then he answers all the comprehensive correctly. If he is sitting behind one child and after she reads the book, she points to a letter and asks Rocco what letter is this, he responds "a five". When at station time and Rocco has one on one time with a teacher, he acts jittery, excited, happy, but often not able to complete the task because he is nervous like.
I recently had Rocco's evaluation at school with his teacher, speech therapist and school psychologist. Rocco is a very happy kid that is well liked by all staff and peers. He is still delayed in speech, some fine motor skills and in the one percentile in a couple areas. He can not name all the letters in the alphabet. Considering if I put him in Kindergarten at the beginning of this year, he should almost be reading at this point, I would say I'm concerned. Regular Kindergarten has 32 kids in the class and requires one hour of quiet circle time each day. Rocco can't make it pass 10 minutes in his class of 14 now. I can't imagine how it would be like in a bigger class and teachers that are annoyed with his lack of focus.
My son is funny, sweet, a good sharer and fun to be around. Then the day gets in our way. I feel like I spend a lot of the day correcting him. Rocco stop touching your sisters, stop climbing on the couch, stop asking for more juice, stop pooping in your pants, stop stop stop. Not one offense is a big deal, but it's hard when it's all day all the time. This is not fun for me and I can imagine it's very annoying to him as well. So he's on tract to go to a "Special Day" Kindergarten in the fall and my question is, when does he catch up? When does he go to normal school?
I felt and still feel like something is off with my son. I don't say this lightly and often times think, nothing is wrong with him and I'm just a horrible mom. My lack of good parenting skills is resulting in this behavior. I have read at least 15 parenting books, taken 4 classes and I still make many mistakes throughout the day. Everyday! But something inside me kept nagging at me that something is wrong with my son! I called the doctor and had a long talk with her. She agreed that something was off, but didn't know what. She ordered blood work, genetic testing, austism and adhd screening. Several forms, tests and doctor appointments later, we have arrived at ADHD. Now what?
Let me back up a little bit to understand how we got here. I have thought something has been off with my son since he was an infant. That feeling is so hard admit let alone to describe but it's been with me for five years now. When he was a baby, he needed constant attention. While you might say this is normal. He's a baby! Just trust me when I say CONSTANT attention. I gave less attention to my twin daughters combined when they were babies then I gave my son. Toddler days, I wished my son would watch TV show for a 20 minute break, but he never seemed interested for more than 5 minutes. And the E.N.D.L.E.S.S. energy! Wow! I will say though even with these things I would have never thought ADHD, I just thought oh he's a boy.
When he turned three I had him tested by the school district and he came back with severe speech delay along with some comprehensive and fine motor skill delays. So we started a 5 days a week, special day preschool. During the next couple of years, certain behaviors led me to seek medical help. These are hard to describe, but I'll try to give you a couple...
Rocco likes to touch is sister's heads. Just a little tap to the top of the head. Not to hurt them, but he just likes to do it. So after the touching is annoying them, I ask him to stop. He looks at me and touches them again. I start to get angry and threaten a time out and then he does it again. Now this is what I think is different about Roc. When he did it, you can tell in his eyes that he didn't want to. That he wasn't doing it to get my attention, he just HAD to do it. Like he had no control over it. Like an OCD person has to turn the door knob 9 times before leaving.
Not many kids would play with him at the park. I think they mistook his size and thought he was older than he was. Kids would talk to him and he couldn't comprehend it clearly and when he wouldn't respond it was like they lost interest in playing with him. He also has trouble understanding social cues. He'll exsessivly ask someone to play with him and not realize that it's annoying that person. Or not understand when someone wants to take a break from playing.
Rocco takes Karate lessons. So during a learning exercise the teacher lined up 4 kids and had them take turns kicking a pad. When it was Rocco's turn he kicked but didn't say "Kee Yah" while doing it. The teacher says, "Good job Rocco just remember to say your Kee Yah next time." He goes to the back of the line. There is maybe 30 seconds until it's his turn again. Same thing, kick no Kee Yah. Teacher corrects Rocco again and sends him to the back of the line. 3rd time and Rocco still doesn't Kee Yah. This time the teacher says, "Rocco, are you going to say your Kee Yahs or do you want to do 10 push ups?" To which Rocco replies, "I want to do 10 push ups." He says this in a happy voice. My son could not understand that the push ups were a punishment.
In preschool, his teacher describes his focusing problems with this example: If Rocco is sitting right in front of me during book reading circle time, then he answers all the comprehensive correctly. If he is sitting behind one child and after she reads the book, she points to a letter and asks Rocco what letter is this, he responds "a five". When at station time and Rocco has one on one time with a teacher, he acts jittery, excited, happy, but often not able to complete the task because he is nervous like.
I recently had Rocco's evaluation at school with his teacher, speech therapist and school psychologist. Rocco is a very happy kid that is well liked by all staff and peers. He is still delayed in speech, some fine motor skills and in the one percentile in a couple areas. He can not name all the letters in the alphabet. Considering if I put him in Kindergarten at the beginning of this year, he should almost be reading at this point, I would say I'm concerned. Regular Kindergarten has 32 kids in the class and requires one hour of quiet circle time each day. Rocco can't make it pass 10 minutes in his class of 14 now. I can't imagine how it would be like in a bigger class and teachers that are annoyed with his lack of focus.
My son is funny, sweet, a good sharer and fun to be around. Then the day gets in our way. I feel like I spend a lot of the day correcting him. Rocco stop touching your sisters, stop climbing on the couch, stop asking for more juice, stop pooping in your pants, stop stop stop. Not one offense is a big deal, but it's hard when it's all day all the time. This is not fun for me and I can imagine it's very annoying to him as well. So he's on tract to go to a "Special Day" Kindergarten in the fall and my question is, when does he catch up? When does he go to normal school?
I felt and still feel like something is off with my son. I don't say this lightly and often times think, nothing is wrong with him and I'm just a horrible mom. My lack of good parenting skills is resulting in this behavior. I have read at least 15 parenting books, taken 4 classes and I still make many mistakes throughout the day. Everyday! But something inside me kept nagging at me that something is wrong with my son! I called the doctor and had a long talk with her. She agreed that something was off, but didn't know what. She ordered blood work, genetic testing, austism and adhd screening. Several forms, tests and doctor appointments later, we have arrived at ADHD. Now what?
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