Today started off a little rocky. I thought, let's get out of the house right away and let these kids have some standard issue rec time from their cells. On a budget of course, we headed over to Target for the free Dr. Seuss story time with free snacks and stickers. That went fine. Just two books and then we were off to the germ caked play place in the mall. Stayed there for about 30 minutes and then it was time for our public meltdown.
I did the whole transition warnings, 5 minutes, 2 minutes, let's go. It wasn't too bad inside of the store, but outside Rocco really turned up his charms. He refused to walk right when he was in the middle of the parking lot. Tony was behind me. (Side note, Tony wasn't going to go with us but Rocco threw a major fit so he just thought it was easier to come I guess) So I choose to ignore Rocco and just try to get to the car asap. I try not to let the public notice me yelling at my kid. Heaven forbid a mom yell at her kid in frustration. I know you guys never do. Anyways, This sparked a fight with Tony and & I because he saw it as I didn't care about the safety of my son. Ok long story short, Rocco didn't stop crying until after 5 minutes parked in our driveway. I did ignore Rocco's tantrum, but it probably wasn't very good fighting with Tony in front of the kids.
Don't worry, we made up pretty quickly. It may have helped that I made delicious homemade fried potato circles covered with fried eggs for brunch. uuummmm Fried Food.
Tony went to a friends house to watch a fight tonight so I wasn't going to cook a big ol meal just for the brats and I, but Rocco insisted upon Chicken Enchiladas. To say that this is his favorite meal is an understatement. Rocco has eaten more enchiladas then Tony & I probably the last 10 times I have made them. Tonight he ate about 4 bites.
First couple were enthusiastically swallowed with a yum response. He said the following sentence at least 3 times while I cooked them: "I'm so excited you are cooking chicken enchiladas mom". Then he noticed a little black speck on his plate. It was pepper people. I think McCormick taco seasoning has put a little pepper in the container. The enchiladas tasted the same as always. I removed the speck and Rocco hastily took another bite. After carefully examining his plate, he says, "I'm not hungry".
I didn't get upset, but advised him that there was nothing else he could eat for dinner tonight.
So along with not sharing a cup with someone. I speck of pepper can make it impossible for Rocco to eat his favorite meal. Rocco used to refuse to eat a grilled cheese sandwiches if I cut it into quarters instead of halves, but this seemed a little more severe.
Both the heightened tantrums and the more observant behavior still leaves me wondering if they are side effects or Rocco's way of protesting change. Like he's reacting to all the doctor appointments and he's making a stand.
He did not seem too jittery today though. I think it's hard for me to see his behavior worsen and not being able to discipline. It drives me crazy when I see parents letting their children completely walk all over them, but I'm trying my best with the new ignore approach.
All in all, I'd call today a good day though. Lots of time chillin with the fam.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Another Appointment
I of course I missed the call from Rocco's doctor today. This is the voicemail I got:
"Hi this is Dr. Daley, and I got your message about Rocco. Sounds like we need to up his dose. Give me a call back at blah blah blah."
Really, up the dose? His ADHD symptoms seem to increase on the meds and giving more is going to decrease them? Logically this doesn't make sense, but the I've learned long ago that logic with a 5 year doesn't always work. I called the Dr. back, but we never connected.
I did also get a call from a referral that just took some time to come through. So far we've had 2 appointments with his pediatrician, autism screening, appointment with a psychiatrist and 2 appointments with a psychologist. Now next week we have an appointment with a pediatrician that is a behavioral specialist. I'm told I'll need to fill out the book of paperwork again and the monitoring at this appointment lasts about 2 hours. Did I mention it's in Vacaville? So basically an all day event. I'm not complaining though. I think this appointment will either confirm the diagnosis or lead us down another path. Either of which are another step in the right direction.
Symptoms were about the same today as yesterday. One different thing was his refusal to drink out of the same cup as anyone else. This has never been an issue before. Tonight at dinner, he was given water to drink and he really wanted soda. Broken record I know. So I was drinking some soda with my dinner and I offered him a sip of mine. He said, nah I'll just have water. Oh and at breakfast, Londy took a sip out of Rocco's cup and he insisted upon a new one. This could just be growing up thing, but it's something that is very different for him. Another way he seems more present in the present.
Rocco had a good night at Karate practice and then pooped in his diaper while trying to fall asleep. To which I did not get upset. Ups and downs but gosh I love that kid.
'
"Hi this is Dr. Daley, and I got your message about Rocco. Sounds like we need to up his dose. Give me a call back at blah blah blah."
Really, up the dose? His ADHD symptoms seem to increase on the meds and giving more is going to decrease them? Logically this doesn't make sense, but the I've learned long ago that logic with a 5 year doesn't always work. I called the Dr. back, but we never connected.
I did also get a call from a referral that just took some time to come through. So far we've had 2 appointments with his pediatrician, autism screening, appointment with a psychiatrist and 2 appointments with a psychologist. Now next week we have an appointment with a pediatrician that is a behavioral specialist. I'm told I'll need to fill out the book of paperwork again and the monitoring at this appointment lasts about 2 hours. Did I mention it's in Vacaville? So basically an all day event. I'm not complaining though. I think this appointment will either confirm the diagnosis or lead us down another path. Either of which are another step in the right direction.
Symptoms were about the same today as yesterday. One different thing was his refusal to drink out of the same cup as anyone else. This has never been an issue before. Tonight at dinner, he was given water to drink and he really wanted soda. Broken record I know. So I was drinking some soda with my dinner and I offered him a sip of mine. He said, nah I'll just have water. Oh and at breakfast, Londy took a sip out of Rocco's cup and he insisted upon a new one. This could just be growing up thing, but it's something that is very different for him. Another way he seems more present in the present.
Rocco had a good night at Karate practice and then pooped in his diaper while trying to fall asleep. To which I did not get upset. Ups and downs but gosh I love that kid.
'
Thursday, February 24, 2011
one step forward, two steps back
Just when the knot in my stomach started to loosen a little, it got pulled even tighter today.
I started to see improvement in Rocco's appetite yesterday and today. He is at about half of what he used to eat, but at least he is actively asking for food and not fighting me. I also haven't noticed tongue/mouth thing anymore. Maybe his body is starting to get used to the meds a little?
I had an appointment with a Psychologist today to discuss my difficulties potty training Rocco. She had asked that I not bring Rocco to this appointment. We discussed our plan of attack and I really hope this helps us turn a corner in that department. I also brought up some of the side effects/symptoms we are experiencing since starting the medication. As regards to Rocco seeming more wired and doing things more excessively, she said this is not normal and to call his pediatrician. As far as the seeming less control of his emotions and more aggressive (but not violent) tantrums, she thinks this is more behavioral and could be a coincidence that it is coming about at the same time as starting meds. This is how I'm advise to handle Rocco's undesirable behavior:
Ready for it?
Brace yourself...
I
Am
Just
To
IGNORE IT!
Really! No time outs, no arguing, no acknowledging bad behavior at all!
So if I ask Rocco to do something like get dressed and he yells at me and says, "No, I don't want to." I am to walk away and completely ignore it. Then 5 minutes later again ask him to get dressed again in a calm voice.
Look, I agree that a lot of parents make the mistake of reinforcing the negative when disciplining, including me, but ignoring bad behavior is going to be a challenge. Of course if he hits his sister, he's going on a time out, but pretty much everything else is ignored. Basically I think this approach has some valid points. For one, trying to reason with a child is somewhat pointless. They don't have logic yet. I don't think Johnny cares that mommy's feeling are hurt that he wasn't being very nice to his sister by not wanting to share his cookie with her. This psychologist says the less you say in a heated moment the better.
Ok I'm doing a poor job of explaining things so let me give you an example. Tonight before bed, Rocco wanted a sip of soda. We don't have any soda in the house. Tony offered him water. Rocco starts to raise his voice and says, "I WANT SODA!!!", Tony says something on the lines of don't yell at me. We don't have soda. Here is some water. Rocco: I WANT SODA, I WANT SODA, I WANT SODA! Tony: "I told you not to yell at me, go on a time out." Major tantrum on horizon! I was upstairs listening, but didn't want to step in and undermined Tony. Rocco of course refused to go on time out, started crying and yelling, "I want soda" over and over. Tony gives up, very frustrated and tells Rocco to go see me because he's done trying.
At this point Rocco is crying so much that his face is all red and is trying to yell "I want soda" in between trying to breath. Empowered by my appointment today, here's what I did. I sat down in the rocking recliner in Rocco's room and asked him to come sit on my lap. I told him I wanted to give him a hug to which I did. Still crying for his soda, I said, "I don't have soda, would you like water?" crying. want soda. crying. I then said it one more time in a very calm voice. "I don't have soda, would you like water?" That was it. He sat and cried for about 3 minutes and still asked for soda. I sat there with him on my lap, but said and did nothing else. A couple minutes later, Rocco seems to start calming himself down and points to the water bottle. I ask him if he would like some and he said yes. He drank a lot of water! I sang him 3 songs and tucked him in his bed.
It felt good. I felt more loving with this approach. Don't get me wrong, sitting there listening to his screaming and crying was hard. Yesterday I would have made him go on a time out for sure and would have been more angry overall.
Hey baby steps here. I'm not saying this approach is perfect and easy, but I'll give it a try.
So again I'll say that Rocco's tantrum and emotions seem to be heightened still. Side effect to the medicine remains unknown.
Here's the 2nd step back: His teacher sent some negative feedback home today. When I dropped him off this morning she said that she was going to start a log in his communication folder. So days that are good she won't write anything and days there are concerns vice versa. Can I say that I love his teacher for being committed to helping Rocco! So today this is the note I got:
2/23: Talking loud, wringing hands, jumping when told to stand still. Talking excessively.
Crap. In all the time he has been going to preschool, (2 1/2 years) I have never received so much negative feedback on one day. So it makes me feel that these behavior things are either new or worse since we started the medicine. And that leaves me with:
Are we on the wrong medicine or is the dose too high, or has Rocco been misdiagnosed all together? I wish there was a way to 100% without doubt know the answer to that question!!!! Is this something I need to be giving time so that Rocco adjusts to meds or am I completing wrong for listening to his doctors and giving him meds?
Just when I thought I was making progress.
So for now, I have a call into his doctor and should hear back within 24 hours. I will give him a pill tomorrow because I not suppose to stop cold turkey without doctor approval.
Sorry this post seems so negative. I'm kind of in a mood due to some other stress in my life and I think that this seeping over here tonight. I think I would have a drink tonight if I had any alcohol in the house, but I'll settle for some "Teen Mom 2" therapy. Yes seeing other people acting stupid make me feel better about myself. haha
I started to see improvement in Rocco's appetite yesterday and today. He is at about half of what he used to eat, but at least he is actively asking for food and not fighting me. I also haven't noticed tongue/mouth thing anymore. Maybe his body is starting to get used to the meds a little?
I had an appointment with a Psychologist today to discuss my difficulties potty training Rocco. She had asked that I not bring Rocco to this appointment. We discussed our plan of attack and I really hope this helps us turn a corner in that department. I also brought up some of the side effects/symptoms we are experiencing since starting the medication. As regards to Rocco seeming more wired and doing things more excessively, she said this is not normal and to call his pediatrician. As far as the seeming less control of his emotions and more aggressive (but not violent) tantrums, she thinks this is more behavioral and could be a coincidence that it is coming about at the same time as starting meds. This is how I'm advise to handle Rocco's undesirable behavior:
Ready for it?
Brace yourself...
I
Am
Just
To
IGNORE IT!
Really! No time outs, no arguing, no acknowledging bad behavior at all!
So if I ask Rocco to do something like get dressed and he yells at me and says, "No, I don't want to." I am to walk away and completely ignore it. Then 5 minutes later again ask him to get dressed again in a calm voice.
Look, I agree that a lot of parents make the mistake of reinforcing the negative when disciplining, including me, but ignoring bad behavior is going to be a challenge. Of course if he hits his sister, he's going on a time out, but pretty much everything else is ignored. Basically I think this approach has some valid points. For one, trying to reason with a child is somewhat pointless. They don't have logic yet. I don't think Johnny cares that mommy's feeling are hurt that he wasn't being very nice to his sister by not wanting to share his cookie with her. This psychologist says the less you say in a heated moment the better.
Ok I'm doing a poor job of explaining things so let me give you an example. Tonight before bed, Rocco wanted a sip of soda. We don't have any soda in the house. Tony offered him water. Rocco starts to raise his voice and says, "I WANT SODA!!!", Tony says something on the lines of don't yell at me. We don't have soda. Here is some water. Rocco: I WANT SODA, I WANT SODA, I WANT SODA! Tony: "I told you not to yell at me, go on a time out." Major tantrum on horizon! I was upstairs listening, but didn't want to step in and undermined Tony. Rocco of course refused to go on time out, started crying and yelling, "I want soda" over and over. Tony gives up, very frustrated and tells Rocco to go see me because he's done trying.
At this point Rocco is crying so much that his face is all red and is trying to yell "I want soda" in between trying to breath. Empowered by my appointment today, here's what I did. I sat down in the rocking recliner in Rocco's room and asked him to come sit on my lap. I told him I wanted to give him a hug to which I did. Still crying for his soda, I said, "I don't have soda, would you like water?" crying. want soda. crying. I then said it one more time in a very calm voice. "I don't have soda, would you like water?" That was it. He sat and cried for about 3 minutes and still asked for soda. I sat there with him on my lap, but said and did nothing else. A couple minutes later, Rocco seems to start calming himself down and points to the water bottle. I ask him if he would like some and he said yes. He drank a lot of water! I sang him 3 songs and tucked him in his bed.
It felt good. I felt more loving with this approach. Don't get me wrong, sitting there listening to his screaming and crying was hard. Yesterday I would have made him go on a time out for sure and would have been more angry overall.
Hey baby steps here. I'm not saying this approach is perfect and easy, but I'll give it a try.
So again I'll say that Rocco's tantrum and emotions seem to be heightened still. Side effect to the medicine remains unknown.
Here's the 2nd step back: His teacher sent some negative feedback home today. When I dropped him off this morning she said that she was going to start a log in his communication folder. So days that are good she won't write anything and days there are concerns vice versa. Can I say that I love his teacher for being committed to helping Rocco! So today this is the note I got:
2/23: Talking loud, wringing hands, jumping when told to stand still. Talking excessively.
Crap. In all the time he has been going to preschool, (2 1/2 years) I have never received so much negative feedback on one day. So it makes me feel that these behavior things are either new or worse since we started the medicine. And that leaves me with:
Are we on the wrong medicine or is the dose too high, or has Rocco been misdiagnosed all together? I wish there was a way to 100% without doubt know the answer to that question!!!! Is this something I need to be giving time so that Rocco adjusts to meds or am I completing wrong for listening to his doctors and giving him meds?
Just when I thought I was making progress.
So for now, I have a call into his doctor and should hear back within 24 hours. I will give him a pill tomorrow because I not suppose to stop cold turkey without doctor approval.
Sorry this post seems so negative. I'm kind of in a mood due to some other stress in my life and I think that this seeping over here tonight. I think I would have a drink tonight if I had any alcohol in the house, but I'll settle for some "Teen Mom 2" therapy. Yes seeing other people acting stupid make me feel better about myself. haha
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Day Three and Four
Day 3:
Rocco fell asleep at 10pm at Nonna's house on Sunday night and woke up at 4am. He had been requesting a lot of water the night before and Nonna thinks he was because he had dry mouth. So he peed through his pull up and then couldn't go back to sleep. He stayed in bed with Nonna until 8am. She said, while he was quiet, his body could not keep still those four hours.
During the day he was well behaved with Nonna, (it helps that she spoils him) and ate lunch without fighting her. She did notice that he was still moving his mouth around quite a bit though. I picked him up around 5 pm and he fell asleep on the way home. (This is not normal for Rocco to fall asleep in the car, but I'm glad the medicine didn't prevent him from snoozing because he was awake since 4am)
Day 4:
Rocco slept from 8:45pm to 7:15am. He even slept 15 minutes past everyone else in the house which normally he wouldn't be able to sleep through our noise. My poor boy was tired.
Appetite was improved today. His body seems to be working so hard and getting fuel from food is way better for his health then just being wired.
Ok reread the above sentence after you read what he actually ate today. And remember that I'm the mom promoting healthy fuel:
Breakfast: Waffles with SF Syrup & OJ
School Snack: Apple and about 4 Ritz Crackers & Capri Sun
Lunch: 1 1/2 Slices of Cheese Pizza & Capri Sun
Snack: 4 Oreo cookies & Water
Dinner: Homemade Chili Dog, French Fries & Water
After Bath: He said that he was really hungry and I was glad he wanted to eat so I let him pick a snack which was the oh so healthy BBQ chips.
Besides eating some more, another good thing today was that I didn't notice the mouth moving crazy thing. He did have a pretty busy day including school and T-Ball practice and he handled the day well.
I wrote a really long note to his teacher and she wrote back a very supportive one. She said that she understands how hard my decision to medicate was and that they will really monitor Rocco over the next few months. Making sure the difference in school is worth the medicine in a nutshell. I feel very lucky with his current teacher and aids. I do feel like I have a little team in Rocco's corner. I giving him the water and the teachers are holding the spit bucket so to speak.
On a slightly negative note: I'm gaining a 10 year old attitude.
I talked in my last post about Rocco's "Tantrums" seeming different; more heightened emotions. Same thing today and even got some preteen attitude thrown in for fun. Pre-Meds, Rocco might whine, "I don't want to go" and huff and puff. Today, when leaving a playdate, Rocco with a rude tone said, "I'm not going home!" Hey this may be normal for a five year old, but it's different from Rocco's past behavior.
Another couple of days checked off in our journey.
Rocco fell asleep at 10pm at Nonna's house on Sunday night and woke up at 4am. He had been requesting a lot of water the night before and Nonna thinks he was because he had dry mouth. So he peed through his pull up and then couldn't go back to sleep. He stayed in bed with Nonna until 8am. She said, while he was quiet, his body could not keep still those four hours.
During the day he was well behaved with Nonna, (it helps that she spoils him) and ate lunch without fighting her. She did notice that he was still moving his mouth around quite a bit though. I picked him up around 5 pm and he fell asleep on the way home. (This is not normal for Rocco to fall asleep in the car, but I'm glad the medicine didn't prevent him from snoozing because he was awake since 4am)
Day 4:
Rocco slept from 8:45pm to 7:15am. He even slept 15 minutes past everyone else in the house which normally he wouldn't be able to sleep through our noise. My poor boy was tired.
Appetite was improved today. His body seems to be working so hard and getting fuel from food is way better for his health then just being wired.
Ok reread the above sentence after you read what he actually ate today. And remember that I'm the mom promoting healthy fuel:
Breakfast: Waffles with SF Syrup & OJ
School Snack: Apple and about 4 Ritz Crackers & Capri Sun
Lunch: 1 1/2 Slices of Cheese Pizza & Capri Sun
Snack: 4 Oreo cookies & Water
Dinner: Homemade Chili Dog, French Fries & Water
After Bath: He said that he was really hungry and I was glad he wanted to eat so I let him pick a snack which was the oh so healthy BBQ chips.
Besides eating some more, another good thing today was that I didn't notice the mouth moving crazy thing. He did have a pretty busy day including school and T-Ball practice and he handled the day well.
I wrote a really long note to his teacher and she wrote back a very supportive one. She said that she understands how hard my decision to medicate was and that they will really monitor Rocco over the next few months. Making sure the difference in school is worth the medicine in a nutshell. I feel very lucky with his current teacher and aids. I do feel like I have a little team in Rocco's corner. I giving him the water and the teachers are holding the spit bucket so to speak.
On a slightly negative note: I'm gaining a 10 year old attitude.
I talked in my last post about Rocco's "Tantrums" seeming different; more heightened emotions. Same thing today and even got some preteen attitude thrown in for fun. Pre-Meds, Rocco might whine, "I don't want to go" and huff and puff. Today, when leaving a playdate, Rocco with a rude tone said, "I'm not going home!" Hey this may be normal for a five year old, but it's different from Rocco's past behavior.
Another couple of days checked off in our journey.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Day Two
So I'm happy to report that Rocco slept through the night no problem.
I fed him breakfast and then gave him one 18mg Concerta pill. He didn't fight me and took it no problem.
The first few hours were fine. I had tivo'd the movie "Sand Lot" since he just started T-Ball and he watched half of it no problem. He wanted to finish it, but we needed to leave and go to Nonna's.
The lack of appetite thing really bugs me so today I tried taking him for a treat to get hamburgers. He said yes and then took one bite and said it tasted funny. Now he's probably eaten this hamburger from Burger King 100 times and he has never not finished it. I told him if he ate half, I'd let me have some icee. Yes I did try to explain to Rocco that this medicine some times makes us not hungry, but we still need to eat and yes it completely flew over his head.
Rocco was previously invited to spend the night at Nonna's house. I was a little anxious to leave him only on day two of his meds, but I knew Nonna would spoil him rotten and that helps a little with my guilt. I spent all evening thinking about him and we talked twice on the phone. He did eat all his sausage and was so excited to tell me. He also wanted to make sure I gave him a star for doing so good. (Every 10 Stars he gets a new lego toy we put together. He enjoys the one-on-one time and I'm happy he works on his fine motor skills)
In all honesty, it was a little nice not to be monitoring him every 15 minutes and watching every time he moved his tongue around. My emotions had a little break. I'll be interested to see how his grandparents saw Rocco on the meds.
I love Rocco. Just felt like saying that.
Anyways, we'll see how he did at Nonna's tomorrow. And yes Nonna is all set to give him a pill in the morning.
I fed him breakfast and then gave him one 18mg Concerta pill. He didn't fight me and took it no problem.
The first few hours were fine. I had tivo'd the movie "Sand Lot" since he just started T-Ball and he watched half of it no problem. He wanted to finish it, but we needed to leave and go to Nonna's.
The lack of appetite thing really bugs me so today I tried taking him for a treat to get hamburgers. He said yes and then took one bite and said it tasted funny. Now he's probably eaten this hamburger from Burger King 100 times and he has never not finished it. I told him if he ate half, I'd let me have some icee. Yes I did try to explain to Rocco that this medicine some times makes us not hungry, but we still need to eat and yes it completely flew over his head.
Rocco was previously invited to spend the night at Nonna's house. I was a little anxious to leave him only on day two of his meds, but I knew Nonna would spoil him rotten and that helps a little with my guilt. I spent all evening thinking about him and we talked twice on the phone. He did eat all his sausage and was so excited to tell me. He also wanted to make sure I gave him a star for doing so good. (Every 10 Stars he gets a new lego toy we put together. He enjoys the one-on-one time and I'm happy he works on his fine motor skills)
In all honesty, it was a little nice not to be monitoring him every 15 minutes and watching every time he moved his tongue around. My emotions had a little break. I'll be interested to see how his grandparents saw Rocco on the meds.
I love Rocco. Just felt like saying that.
Anyways, we'll see how he did at Nonna's tomorrow. And yes Nonna is all set to give him a pill in the morning.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Where is my corner and dime bag?
Ok day one was not so great. It started out fine. First few hours Rocco seemed fine. I was really watching for headache or stomach pain but every time I asked he said no.
The good:
Rocco seemed to be more present today. More aware of even my feelings. It did not feel like I lost my son at all. His personality was the same and he still was my happy boy. His questions and comments to me today seemed more specific. Like instead of saying, "I don't like that sandwich", he said, "I don't like that sandwich because it doesn't taste like how grandma makes it."
The bad:
Lack of appeitite: At lunch I gave him lots if choices and he said he wanted a corn dog. I made him one and he said he wasn't hungry. He drank lots of OJ today, but didn't eat anything until about 5pm. He then asked for two grilled cheese sandwiches & BBQ chips. I knew eating could be a problem, so I just gave him what he wanted. He ate all the BBQ chips & one bite of the sandwich. We made cupcakes together as one-on-one time & he did eat one of those. I knew to make sure he ate breakfast before taking the pill so he did eat pancakes this morning. So Pancakes. OJ, water, BBQ chips and a Cupcake.
I feel like a drug pusher/dealer. Here's why. Rocco showed symptoms like he was on street meth. He put his fingers in his mouth a lot, then moved his tongue around a lot, then started making a clicking sound. When it came to more quiet things, like watching a new movie, he actually seemed less interested than usual and talking more during it. He had a few tantrums today too that seemed different then usual. For example, I was getting frustrated playing a video game with him so I decided to stop, get up and leave the room. He cried a lot and couldn't seem to calm himself down. Now Rocco is only five and he has had plenty of tantrums but these were like his emotions were even more heightened.
He seemed so wired that I really doubted he would be able to go to bed come 8pm like normal. I gave him the 12 hour medicine at 8am this morning and he went to lay down at 8:40pm. He was asleep by 9pm. So not too bad, but we will see if he stays asleep throughout the night.
In honestly, I'm freaking out a little bit. If I had to base my medicine decision on today alone, I wouldn't give it to him anymore. If the drugs are to mellow him out, then they failed today. While I think Rocco seemed more understanding of his surroundings, it felt like I shot him up with 20 pepsi's worth of caffeine.
I think I really need to take a step back, realize that it's the first day, understand that this is a long road & I need to stop projecting my guilt and anxiety onto how Rocco is feeling.
He did not complain of any pain and he did say (without me asking) that he did want to take this medicine again tomorrow. So while I'm not really happy with how today went, I'm going to give it to him again when he wakes up.
I know it's day one. I know it's day one. There a many steps to come if medicine is to work. There is adjustment period and getting the right meds/dosage too. If anyone thinks that drugs are the easy way out, they are mistaken! I think tomorrow we will get out of the house and do something too & that may help.
The good:
Rocco seemed to be more present today. More aware of even my feelings. It did not feel like I lost my son at all. His personality was the same and he still was my happy boy. His questions and comments to me today seemed more specific. Like instead of saying, "I don't like that sandwich", he said, "I don't like that sandwich because it doesn't taste like how grandma makes it."
The bad:
Lack of appeitite: At lunch I gave him lots if choices and he said he wanted a corn dog. I made him one and he said he wasn't hungry. He drank lots of OJ today, but didn't eat anything until about 5pm. He then asked for two grilled cheese sandwiches & BBQ chips. I knew eating could be a problem, so I just gave him what he wanted. He ate all the BBQ chips & one bite of the sandwich. We made cupcakes together as one-on-one time & he did eat one of those. I knew to make sure he ate breakfast before taking the pill so he did eat pancakes this morning. So Pancakes. OJ, water, BBQ chips and a Cupcake.
I feel like a drug pusher/dealer. Here's why. Rocco showed symptoms like he was on street meth. He put his fingers in his mouth a lot, then moved his tongue around a lot, then started making a clicking sound. When it came to more quiet things, like watching a new movie, he actually seemed less interested than usual and talking more during it. He had a few tantrums today too that seemed different then usual. For example, I was getting frustrated playing a video game with him so I decided to stop, get up and leave the room. He cried a lot and couldn't seem to calm himself down. Now Rocco is only five and he has had plenty of tantrums but these were like his emotions were even more heightened.
He seemed so wired that I really doubted he would be able to go to bed come 8pm like normal. I gave him the 12 hour medicine at 8am this morning and he went to lay down at 8:40pm. He was asleep by 9pm. So not too bad, but we will see if he stays asleep throughout the night.
In honestly, I'm freaking out a little bit. If I had to base my medicine decision on today alone, I wouldn't give it to him anymore. If the drugs are to mellow him out, then they failed today. While I think Rocco seemed more understanding of his surroundings, it felt like I shot him up with 20 pepsi's worth of caffeine.
I think I really need to take a step back, realize that it's the first day, understand that this is a long road & I need to stop projecting my guilt and anxiety onto how Rocco is feeling.
He did not complain of any pain and he did say (without me asking) that he did want to take this medicine again tomorrow. So while I'm not really happy with how today went, I'm going to give it to him again when he wakes up.
I know it's day one. I know it's day one. There a many steps to come if medicine is to work. There is adjustment period and getting the right meds/dosage too. If anyone thinks that drugs are the easy way out, they are mistaken! I think tomorrow we will get out of the house and do something too & that may help.
Day One
So I have decided to give medicine a try. They say it could take up to 6-9 months to get the right type and dose right to be effective so I'm dedicated to giving it a real try.
I did not come to this decision lightly! Let me repeat: I DID NOT COME TO THIS DECISION LIGHTLY!
I'm not yet an advocate for this treatment nor do I know I made the right decision without doubt. Yes I realize I'm giving my son legal meth and its really hard to do. I feel scared and honestly I feel like I failed my son a little. I know that is my emotions poking at me and that I did do research to come to this decision but it still feels bad. I'll go into how I came to this decision in a later post, but I wanted to create this blog to have a way to monitor his progress or lack of.
After breakfast, at 8am, I gave Rocco one 18mg Concerta pill. This is a time release med that is suppose to last for 12 hours. This is the smallest dose of concerta availalbe. 4 hours in and no headache or stomach ache yet. They say that those side effects may happen the first week until his body gets used to it.
So I don't know how this is all going to turn out, but I'm documenting our journey and maybe it will help others going through this in the future.
I did not come to this decision lightly! Let me repeat: I DID NOT COME TO THIS DECISION LIGHTLY!
I'm not yet an advocate for this treatment nor do I know I made the right decision without doubt. Yes I realize I'm giving my son legal meth and its really hard to do. I feel scared and honestly I feel like I failed my son a little. I know that is my emotions poking at me and that I did do research to come to this decision but it still feels bad. I'll go into how I came to this decision in a later post, but I wanted to create this blog to have a way to monitor his progress or lack of.
After breakfast, at 8am, I gave Rocco one 18mg Concerta pill. This is a time release med that is suppose to last for 12 hours. This is the smallest dose of concerta availalbe. 4 hours in and no headache or stomach ache yet. They say that those side effects may happen the first week until his body gets used to it.
So I don't know how this is all going to turn out, but I'm documenting our journey and maybe it will help others going through this in the future.
A Little Relieved? How dare I!
WARNING: THIS POST IS GOING TO OFFEND YOU, SO DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE OFFENDED!
So I get the diagnosis and honestly felt a little relieved. When you spend all five years of your sons life thinking that something is off and then someone tells you why and that its not all your fault, relief is bound to happen. Yes I'm still concerned and feel ignorant to ADHD, but for one second I felt relieved. Then I posted this on Facebook:
“It's official. Rocco has been diagnosed with ADHD. Mixed emotions for me. Class next week to look at all treatment options & then go from there.”
Yes I know I was opening a can of worms, but didn't yet know how I'd feel about the comments I got. I was a little upset by them. I didn't respond on FB at all because it was my own fault posting the status update, but I don't think I specifically asked for everyone's opinion either. Here the comments are and under each one I'll respond 100% honestly how I felt after reading them:
“Don't believe it...they tried to diagnose my brother when he was little and he came out just fine. I personally don't believe in it but that is just me"
ME: Relief gone! Am I stupid to believe in ADHD? Am I accepting the diagnosis because I need something to be wrong with him? Something has to be wrong so I'm not the worst mom ever!
“I agree with above. Seems like they diagnose too many kids with that. But I support any decision you've gotta make. And we love Roc regardless.”
ME: Is this just something they diagnosis kids with as an easy fix? Thanks for being supportive at least.
“ask about the diet, it worked for myself and my brothers, no sugars, no preprocessed food, no red dye. to this day I drink lots of caffine and it actually calms me down. Many kids with add/adhd tend to be very smart and gifted. look at the bright side of things. hang in there”
ME: Well first off I never thought of Rocco as retarded? Wait stop being defensive Ren! She is trying to be nice. Is it really possible to control with diet only? Or is that philosophy the same as the moms that believe vaccines cause autisum? To this I strongly disagree, but what does that have to do with ADHD?
“I think you should focus on the positive side too. I think knowing this will help him not hurt him. I love you both :)”
ME: I thought this would help him not hurt him but why did you think I was only thinking negative?
“sending you hugs Ren!! Xxoo”
ME: Thanks for the love and not putting your two cents in :-) (Ok I admit I was overreacting a little bit to the other comments)
“honestly we all have ADD. its so common.. doctors just say that crap cuz they have to have an answer for everything.. dont worry about it so much”
ME: Again, don't think ADHD is a real treatable disease? It's kind of like saying, "Oh he's just a boy!
“Don't worry, he'll grow out of it.”
ME: Fuck you. Really I mean, this feeling like something is wrong with your son is not a big deal and just forget about it. (DISCLAIMER: I love this person and know that she meant nothing but kindness, but I still had that reaction)
“Hmmmmmm. Like I mentioned before the school psychologist from Hirsch told me they usually diagnose it later (unless I'm mistaken) so it could be inaccurate. Either way its hard to decide what's best for your child so go with your gut!! Rocco is a great little boy and is going to be just fine, he already is!!”
ME: Crap is it just me that wants a diagnosis? I'm I pushing this too soon? Do I just SUCK as a MOM? Rocco is a great little boy, but why is it then that no one in his extended family ever really offer to spend one on one time with him? And if he's fine, then why as his mother do I think something is off? Am I overreacting?
“Knowledge is power, so the more you learn the better he'll be. Your very resourcefull, he will be fine.”
ME: Agreed. Thanks.
“Its not a bad thing! Give him a big kiss for me!!”
ME: It's not bad? I'm considering giving my kid crack and that is not a bad thing? Somehow I don't think a kiss is going to fix anything, since I kiss him all the time, but I'll give him one from you.
“no worries ,everything it will be ok,I heard that Einstein had it.So he had crazy hair so what?Don't worry so much.Hugs”
ME: I know you are trying to be sweet and supportive. Thanks. Telling a mom not to worry though is like telling a bear not to shit in the woods.
I was upset that night. I know that people were just being nice and that my fear of the unknown was just playing me. So I just shrugged it off and started my research...
So I get the diagnosis and honestly felt a little relieved. When you spend all five years of your sons life thinking that something is off and then someone tells you why and that its not all your fault, relief is bound to happen. Yes I'm still concerned and feel ignorant to ADHD, but for one second I felt relieved. Then I posted this on Facebook:
“It's official. Rocco has been diagnosed with ADHD. Mixed emotions for me. Class next week to look at all treatment options & then go from there.”
Yes I know I was opening a can of worms, but didn't yet know how I'd feel about the comments I got. I was a little upset by them. I didn't respond on FB at all because it was my own fault posting the status update, but I don't think I specifically asked for everyone's opinion either. Here the comments are and under each one I'll respond 100% honestly how I felt after reading them:
“Don't believe it...they tried to diagnose my brother when he was little and he came out just fine. I personally don't believe in it but that is just me"
ME: Relief gone! Am I stupid to believe in ADHD? Am I accepting the diagnosis because I need something to be wrong with him? Something has to be wrong so I'm not the worst mom ever!
“I agree with above. Seems like they diagnose too many kids with that. But I support any decision you've gotta make. And we love Roc regardless.”
ME: Is this just something they diagnosis kids with as an easy fix? Thanks for being supportive at least.
“ask about the diet, it worked for myself and my brothers, no sugars, no preprocessed food, no red dye. to this day I drink lots of caffine and it actually calms me down. Many kids with add/adhd tend to be very smart and gifted. look at the bright side of things. hang in there”
ME: Well first off I never thought of Rocco as retarded? Wait stop being defensive Ren! She is trying to be nice. Is it really possible to control with diet only? Or is that philosophy the same as the moms that believe vaccines cause autisum? To this I strongly disagree, but what does that have to do with ADHD?
“I think you should focus on the positive side too. I think knowing this will help him not hurt him. I love you both :)”
ME: I thought this would help him not hurt him but why did you think I was only thinking negative?
“sending you hugs Ren!! Xxoo”
ME: Thanks for the love and not putting your two cents in :-) (Ok I admit I was overreacting a little bit to the other comments)
“honestly we all have ADD. its so common.. doctors just say that crap cuz they have to have an answer for everything.. dont worry about it so much”
ME: Again, don't think ADHD is a real treatable disease? It's kind of like saying, "Oh he's just a boy!
“Don't worry, he'll grow out of it.”
ME: Fuck you. Really I mean, this feeling like something is wrong with your son is not a big deal and just forget about it. (DISCLAIMER: I love this person and know that she meant nothing but kindness, but I still had that reaction)
“Hmmmmmm. Like I mentioned before the school psychologist from Hirsch told me they usually diagnose it later (unless I'm mistaken) so it could be inaccurate. Either way its hard to decide what's best for your child so go with your gut!! Rocco is a great little boy and is going to be just fine, he already is!!”
ME: Crap is it just me that wants a diagnosis? I'm I pushing this too soon? Do I just SUCK as a MOM? Rocco is a great little boy, but why is it then that no one in his extended family ever really offer to spend one on one time with him? And if he's fine, then why as his mother do I think something is off? Am I overreacting?
“Knowledge is power, so the more you learn the better he'll be. Your very resourcefull, he will be fine.”
ME: Agreed. Thanks.
“Its not a bad thing! Give him a big kiss for me!!”
ME: It's not bad? I'm considering giving my kid crack and that is not a bad thing? Somehow I don't think a kiss is going to fix anything, since I kiss him all the time, but I'll give him one from you.
“no worries ,everything it will be ok,I heard that Einstein had it.So he had crazy hair so what?Don't worry so much.Hugs”
ME: I know you are trying to be sweet and supportive. Thanks. Telling a mom not to worry though is like telling a bear not to shit in the woods.
I was upset that night. I know that people were just being nice and that my fear of the unknown was just playing me. So I just shrugged it off and started my research...
Diagnosis
This is a quick summary of why we are here today. My 5 year old son, Rocco, has recently been diagnosis with ADHD by medical professionals.
Let me back up a little bit to understand how we got here. I have thought something has been off with my son since he was an infant. That feeling is so hard admit let alone to describe but it's been with me for five years now. When he was a baby, he needed constant attention. While you might say this is normal. He's a baby! Just trust me when I say CONSTANT attention. I gave less attention to my twin daughters combined when they were babies then I gave my son. Toddler days, I wished my son would watch TV show for a 20 minute break, but he never seemed interested for more than 5 minutes. And the E.N.D.L.E.S.S. energy! Wow! I will say though even with these things I would have never thought ADHD, I just thought oh he's a boy.
When he turned three I had him tested by the school district and he came back with severe speech delay along with some comprehensive and fine motor skill delays. So we started a 5 days a week, special day preschool. During the next couple of years, certain behaviors led me to seek medical help. These are hard to describe, but I'll try to give you a couple...
Rocco likes to touch is sister's heads. Just a little tap to the top of the head. Not to hurt them, but he just likes to do it. So after the touching is annoying them, I ask him to stop. He looks at me and touches them again. I start to get angry and threaten a time out and then he does it again. Now this is what I think is different about Roc. When he did it, you can tell in his eyes that he didn't want to. That he wasn't doing it to get my attention, he just HAD to do it. Like he had no control over it. Like an OCD person has to turn the door knob 9 times before leaving.
Not many kids would play with him at the park. I think they mistook his size and thought he was older than he was. Kids would talk to him and he couldn't comprehend it clearly and when he wouldn't respond it was like they lost interest in playing with him. He also has trouble understanding social cues. He'll exsessivly ask someone to play with him and not realize that it's annoying that person. Or not understand when someone wants to take a break from playing.
Rocco takes Karate lessons. So during a learning exercise the teacher lined up 4 kids and had them take turns kicking a pad. When it was Rocco's turn he kicked but didn't say "Kee Yah" while doing it. The teacher says, "Good job Rocco just remember to say your Kee Yah next time." He goes to the back of the line. There is maybe 30 seconds until it's his turn again. Same thing, kick no Kee Yah. Teacher corrects Rocco again and sends him to the back of the line. 3rd time and Rocco still doesn't Kee Yah. This time the teacher says, "Rocco, are you going to say your Kee Yahs or do you want to do 10 push ups?" To which Rocco replies, "I want to do 10 push ups." He says this in a happy voice. My son could not understand that the push ups were a punishment.
In preschool, his teacher describes his focusing problems with this example: If Rocco is sitting right in front of me during book reading circle time, then he answers all the comprehensive correctly. If he is sitting behind one child and after she reads the book, she points to a letter and asks Rocco what letter is this, he responds "a five". When at station time and Rocco has one on one time with a teacher, he acts jittery, excited, happy, but often not able to complete the task because he is nervous like.
I recently had Rocco's evaluation at school with his teacher, speech therapist and school psychologist. Rocco is a very happy kid that is well liked by all staff and peers. He is still delayed in speech, some fine motor skills and in the one percentile in a couple areas. He can not name all the letters in the alphabet. Considering if I put him in Kindergarten at the beginning of this year, he should almost be reading at this point, I would say I'm concerned. Regular Kindergarten has 32 kids in the class and requires one hour of quiet circle time each day. Rocco can't make it pass 10 minutes in his class of 14 now. I can't imagine how it would be like in a bigger class and teachers that are annoyed with his lack of focus.
My son is funny, sweet, a good sharer and fun to be around. Then the day gets in our way. I feel like I spend a lot of the day correcting him. Rocco stop touching your sisters, stop climbing on the couch, stop asking for more juice, stop pooping in your pants, stop stop stop. Not one offense is a big deal, but it's hard when it's all day all the time. This is not fun for me and I can imagine it's very annoying to him as well. So he's on tract to go to a "Special Day" Kindergarten in the fall and my question is, when does he catch up? When does he go to normal school?
I felt and still feel like something is off with my son. I don't say this lightly and often times think, nothing is wrong with him and I'm just a horrible mom. My lack of good parenting skills is resulting in this behavior. I have read at least 15 parenting books, taken 4 classes and I still make many mistakes throughout the day. Everyday! But something inside me kept nagging at me that something is wrong with my son! I called the doctor and had a long talk with her. She agreed that something was off, but didn't know what. She ordered blood work, genetic testing, austism and adhd screening. Several forms, tests and doctor appointments later, we have arrived at ADHD. Now what?
Let me back up a little bit to understand how we got here. I have thought something has been off with my son since he was an infant. That feeling is so hard admit let alone to describe but it's been with me for five years now. When he was a baby, he needed constant attention. While you might say this is normal. He's a baby! Just trust me when I say CONSTANT attention. I gave less attention to my twin daughters combined when they were babies then I gave my son. Toddler days, I wished my son would watch TV show for a 20 minute break, but he never seemed interested for more than 5 minutes. And the E.N.D.L.E.S.S. energy! Wow! I will say though even with these things I would have never thought ADHD, I just thought oh he's a boy.
When he turned three I had him tested by the school district and he came back with severe speech delay along with some comprehensive and fine motor skill delays. So we started a 5 days a week, special day preschool. During the next couple of years, certain behaviors led me to seek medical help. These are hard to describe, but I'll try to give you a couple...
Rocco likes to touch is sister's heads. Just a little tap to the top of the head. Not to hurt them, but he just likes to do it. So after the touching is annoying them, I ask him to stop. He looks at me and touches them again. I start to get angry and threaten a time out and then he does it again. Now this is what I think is different about Roc. When he did it, you can tell in his eyes that he didn't want to. That he wasn't doing it to get my attention, he just HAD to do it. Like he had no control over it. Like an OCD person has to turn the door knob 9 times before leaving.
Not many kids would play with him at the park. I think they mistook his size and thought he was older than he was. Kids would talk to him and he couldn't comprehend it clearly and when he wouldn't respond it was like they lost interest in playing with him. He also has trouble understanding social cues. He'll exsessivly ask someone to play with him and not realize that it's annoying that person. Or not understand when someone wants to take a break from playing.
Rocco takes Karate lessons. So during a learning exercise the teacher lined up 4 kids and had them take turns kicking a pad. When it was Rocco's turn he kicked but didn't say "Kee Yah" while doing it. The teacher says, "Good job Rocco just remember to say your Kee Yah next time." He goes to the back of the line. There is maybe 30 seconds until it's his turn again. Same thing, kick no Kee Yah. Teacher corrects Rocco again and sends him to the back of the line. 3rd time and Rocco still doesn't Kee Yah. This time the teacher says, "Rocco, are you going to say your Kee Yahs or do you want to do 10 push ups?" To which Rocco replies, "I want to do 10 push ups." He says this in a happy voice. My son could not understand that the push ups were a punishment.
In preschool, his teacher describes his focusing problems with this example: If Rocco is sitting right in front of me during book reading circle time, then he answers all the comprehensive correctly. If he is sitting behind one child and after she reads the book, she points to a letter and asks Rocco what letter is this, he responds "a five". When at station time and Rocco has one on one time with a teacher, he acts jittery, excited, happy, but often not able to complete the task because he is nervous like.
I recently had Rocco's evaluation at school with his teacher, speech therapist and school psychologist. Rocco is a very happy kid that is well liked by all staff and peers. He is still delayed in speech, some fine motor skills and in the one percentile in a couple areas. He can not name all the letters in the alphabet. Considering if I put him in Kindergarten at the beginning of this year, he should almost be reading at this point, I would say I'm concerned. Regular Kindergarten has 32 kids in the class and requires one hour of quiet circle time each day. Rocco can't make it pass 10 minutes in his class of 14 now. I can't imagine how it would be like in a bigger class and teachers that are annoyed with his lack of focus.
My son is funny, sweet, a good sharer and fun to be around. Then the day gets in our way. I feel like I spend a lot of the day correcting him. Rocco stop touching your sisters, stop climbing on the couch, stop asking for more juice, stop pooping in your pants, stop stop stop. Not one offense is a big deal, but it's hard when it's all day all the time. This is not fun for me and I can imagine it's very annoying to him as well. So he's on tract to go to a "Special Day" Kindergarten in the fall and my question is, when does he catch up? When does he go to normal school?
I felt and still feel like something is off with my son. I don't say this lightly and often times think, nothing is wrong with him and I'm just a horrible mom. My lack of good parenting skills is resulting in this behavior. I have read at least 15 parenting books, taken 4 classes and I still make many mistakes throughout the day. Everyday! But something inside me kept nagging at me that something is wrong with my son! I called the doctor and had a long talk with her. She agreed that something was off, but didn't know what. She ordered blood work, genetic testing, austism and adhd screening. Several forms, tests and doctor appointments later, we have arrived at ADHD. Now what?
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