Ok day one was not so great. It started out fine. First few hours Rocco seemed fine. I was really watching for headache or stomach pain but every time I asked he said no.
The good:
Rocco seemed to be more present today. More aware of even my feelings. It did not feel like I lost my son at all. His personality was the same and he still was my happy boy. His questions and comments to me today seemed more specific. Like instead of saying, "I don't like that sandwich", he said, "I don't like that sandwich because it doesn't taste like how grandma makes it."
The bad:
Lack of appeitite: At lunch I gave him lots if choices and he said he wanted a corn dog. I made him one and he said he wasn't hungry. He drank lots of OJ today, but didn't eat anything until about 5pm. He then asked for two grilled cheese sandwiches & BBQ chips. I knew eating could be a problem, so I just gave him what he wanted. He ate all the BBQ chips & one bite of the sandwich. We made cupcakes together as one-on-one time & he did eat one of those. I knew to make sure he ate breakfast before taking the pill so he did eat pancakes this morning. So Pancakes. OJ, water, BBQ chips and a Cupcake.
I feel like a drug pusher/dealer. Here's why. Rocco showed symptoms like he was on street meth. He put his fingers in his mouth a lot, then moved his tongue around a lot, then started making a clicking sound. When it came to more quiet things, like watching a new movie, he actually seemed less interested than usual and talking more during it. He had a few tantrums today too that seemed different then usual. For example, I was getting frustrated playing a video game with him so I decided to stop, get up and leave the room. He cried a lot and couldn't seem to calm himself down. Now Rocco is only five and he has had plenty of tantrums but these were like his emotions were even more heightened.
He seemed so wired that I really doubted he would be able to go to bed come 8pm like normal. I gave him the 12 hour medicine at 8am this morning and he went to lay down at 8:40pm. He was asleep by 9pm. So not too bad, but we will see if he stays asleep throughout the night.
In honestly, I'm freaking out a little bit. If I had to base my medicine decision on today alone, I wouldn't give it to him anymore. If the drugs are to mellow him out, then they failed today. While I think Rocco seemed more understanding of his surroundings, it felt like I shot him up with 20 pepsi's worth of caffeine.
I think I really need to take a step back, realize that it's the first day, understand that this is a long road & I need to stop projecting my guilt and anxiety onto how Rocco is feeling.
He did not complain of any pain and he did say (without me asking) that he did want to take this medicine again tomorrow. So while I'm not really happy with how today went, I'm going to give it to him again when he wakes up.
I know it's day one. I know it's day one. There a many steps to come if medicine is to work. There is adjustment period and getting the right meds/dosage too. If anyone thinks that drugs are the easy way out, they are mistaken! I think tomorrow we will get out of the house and do something too & that may help.
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